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Jewish Jokes

There are 82 Jewish jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Buzz Off (Added On: 2017-07-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One day, two bees are buzzing around what's left of a rose bush.



"How's your summer been?" asks bee number one.





"Not too good," says bee two. "Lotta rain, lotta cold. There aren't


enough flowers, therefore not enough pollen."





The first bee has an idea. "Hey, why don't you go down to the corner and


hang a left? There's a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and


fruit."





Bee two buzzes, "Thanks!" and takes off. An hour later, the bees bump into


each other again.





"How was the bar mitzvah?" asks the first bee.





"Great!" replies the second.





The first bee, however, notices a small circle on his friend's head, and


inquires, "What's that on your head?"





"A yarmulke," is the answer. "I didn't want them to think I was a Wasp."



Moses meets G-d (Added On: 2017-07-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)




Moses is in the desert and he sees a


burning bush.He approaches and he hears


a voice."My name is Moses,what about you? "


he sad."I AM is My name,and I am the Lord


of your forefathers!";"Nice to meet you,


I am!";"Tell Me, Moses, don't you feel


lonely in this desert?""Oh,yeah,very lonely..."


"Don't you miss your jewish brothers?


"Oh,yeah,very much...""Don't you miss


your teachers?""Oh,yes,i miss them lot"


"Don't you miss bathing in the Nile?"


"Oh,yes,is very warm in here,I miss


that cold water...""Don't you miss your


mother,Moses?" Moses starts to cry,and


he whispers through his tears:"Very much"


"WHY DON'T YOU PAY HER A VISIT?" "Oh,I can't


the faraoh wants to kill me" "He will not,


I will be with you every step" "Are you sure?"


"Sure is my middle name""Will you do that for me?" "Of course I will,Moses, as I promised"


"Thank you,Lord!"and Moses start his journey


to Egypt."Moses, wait!" "Yes, Lord?"


"Can I ask you a favour?""Anything,My Lord!"


"Well, if you go to the pallace,to


see your mother,please pay a visit to


the faraoh chamber and tell him to let my people go,will you?



Making a century (Added On: 2017-07-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Joe Goldberg, who lived in a Jewish old people's home, reached the age of 100 and all his family were gathered around him, having a party and waiting for the Queen's telemessage. Suddenly there was a knock at the door - it was the postman.


'Anyone here by the name of Joe Goldberg?' he asked. One of Joe's rich grandsons stepped forward.


'Listen,' he said to the postman. 'My grandfather sang in the synagogue choir for many years. It would mean a lot if you would sing the message to him.'


'Sorry,' said the postman, 'it's against regulations.'


The grandson took a 50 note from his wallet and tucked it into the postman's top pocket. 'How about now?' he asked.


'OK,' said the postman. He opened the telemessage and sang in a rich baritone...


'Tara te tum tum tum - you're sister Rose is dead, your sister Rose is dead...'



The Jewish chicken (Added On: 2017-06-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Q. Why did the Jewish chicken cross the road?




A. To get to the synagogue


The Good Wife (Added On: 2017-06-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Morris comes home to find his wife, Sadie, crying. "I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you've been having an affair with that chippie secretary in your office. Why would you do that to me? Haven't I always been the good wife? I've cooked for you, raised your children, and I've always been by your side for thirty-five years. What haven't I done to make you happy?"



Embarrassed, Morris confesses, "It's true, Sadie, you've been the best wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but one. You don't moan when we have sex!"



"If I moaned when we had sex, you'd stop running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show you that I, too, can moan during sex!"



So they retire to the bedroom, get undressed, and climb beneath the sheets.



As they begin to kiss, Sadie asks, "Now, Morris, should I moan now?"



"No, not yet."



Morris begins fondling Sadie. "What about now? Should I moan now?" No, I'll tell you when," he says.



He climbs on top of Sophie and begins to have intercourse.



"Is it time for me to moan, Morris?"



"Wait, I'll tell you when."



Moments later, in the heat of passion, seconds before reaching climax, Morris yells, "Now, Sadie, moan! MOAN!"



"OY! You wouldn't believe what a day I had!"


There are 82 Jewish jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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