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Jewish Jokes

There are 84 Jewish jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

I had it all. (Added On: 2017-09-27 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


"I had it all" said Nathan to his friend Aaron,A very profitable business, a beautiful home, three cars, a son and daughter both in medical school, and the love of a beautiful woman. Then poof...it was all gone"



"Oy vay, vat heppened?" asked Aaron.



My vife found out, now she has it all"




Oy! (Added On: 2017-08-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Four Jewish ladies, at a resort in the Catskills, were in rockers on the veranda and admiring the scenery.



After a while the first woman sighed, "Oy!" The others sighed sympathetically.



Then the second woman sighed, "Oy Vey!"



The others nodded.



A third woman said, "Oy, Gottenyu!"



The others nodded as if in agreement.



Finally, the fourth woman said, "Enough talk about the children. Let's go for a walk!"



Buzz Off (Added On: 2017-07-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One day, two bees are buzzing around what's left of a rose bush.



"How's your summer been?" asks bee number one.





"Not too good," says bee two. "Lotta rain, lotta cold. There aren't


enough flowers, therefore not enough pollen."





The first bee has an idea. "Hey, why don't you go down to the corner and


hang a left? There's a bar mitzvah going on. Plenty of flowers and


fruit."





Bee two buzzes, "Thanks!" and takes off. An hour later, the bees bump into


each other again.





"How was the bar mitzvah?" asks the first bee.





"Great!" replies the second.





The first bee, however, notices a small circle on his friend's head, and


inquires, "What's that on your head?"





"A yarmulke," is the answer. "I didn't want them to think I was a Wasp."



Moses meets G-d (Added On: 2017-07-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)




Moses is in the desert and he sees a


burning bush.He approaches and he hears


a voice."My name is Moses,what about you? "


he sad."I AM is My name,and I am the Lord


of your forefathers!";"Nice to meet you,


I am!";"Tell Me, Moses, don't you feel


lonely in this desert?""Oh,yeah,very lonely..."


"Don't you miss your jewish brothers?


"Oh,yeah,very much...""Don't you miss


your teachers?""Oh,yes,i miss them lot"


"Don't you miss bathing in the Nile?"


"Oh,yes,is very warm in here,I miss


that cold water...""Don't you miss your


mother,Moses?" Moses starts to cry,and


he whispers through his tears:"Very much"


"WHY DON'T YOU PAY HER A VISIT?" "Oh,I can't


the faraoh wants to kill me" "He will not,


I will be with you every step" "Are you sure?"


"Sure is my middle name""Will you do that for me?" "Of course I will,Moses, as I promised"


"Thank you,Lord!"and Moses start his journey


to Egypt."Moses, wait!" "Yes, Lord?"


"Can I ask you a favour?""Anything,My Lord!"


"Well, if you go to the pallace,to


see your mother,please pay a visit to


the faraoh chamber and tell him to let my people go,will you?



Making a century (Added On: 2017-07-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Joe Goldberg, who lived in a Jewish old people's home, reached the age of 100 and all his family were gathered around him, having a party and waiting for the Queen's telemessage. Suddenly there was a knock at the door - it was the postman.


'Anyone here by the name of Joe Goldberg?' he asked. One of Joe's rich grandsons stepped forward.


'Listen,' he said to the postman. 'My grandfather sang in the synagogue choir for many years. It would mean a lot if you would sing the message to him.'


'Sorry,' said the postman, 'it's against regulations.'


The grandson took a 50 note from his wallet and tucked it into the postman's top pocket. 'How about now?' he asked.


'OK,' said the postman. He opened the telemessage and sang in a rich baritone...


'Tara te tum tum tum - you're sister Rose is dead, your sister Rose is dead...'



There are 84 Jewish jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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