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Naughty Jokes

There are 128 Naughty jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

4 Nuns and their notty weekend (Added On: 2017-06-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

There are these 4 nuns who want to have a weekend off. So they ask the Mother Superior and she agrees so long as each nun confesses any sin the moment they return.

After the weekend the 4 nuns are in a line before Mother Superior ready to confess.

The first confesses to seeing a mans penis. The Mother tells her to go drink one sip of holy water and say 3 hail marys.

At this the last nun in the line starts giggling to the annoyance of everyone.

The second nun goes to the Mother and confesses to touching a mans penis. For this the Mother tells her to drink a glass of holy water and say 5 hail marys.

The last nun laughs even louder than before.

Trying to ignore the her, the third nun, approachs the Mother and confess to having sex with a man. For this the Mother sends the nun to bathe in the holy water.

The last nun is now writhing on the floor in hysterics.

The Mother has had enough and ask what the bloody hell she is laughing at, to which the nun replied 'I pee'd in the holy water'.

A man and a woman meet........ (Added On: 2017-06-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man enters his favorite ritzy restaurant and while sitting at his regular table, he notices a gorgeous woman sitting at a table nearby, all alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for their most expensive bottle of Merlot to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the wine and decides to send a note over to the man. The note read: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million dollars in the bank and 7 inches in your pants. The man after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it read: "Just so you know- I happen
to have a Rolls, BMW and a Mercedes in my garage, plus two million dollars in the bank: But not even for a woman as beautiful as you would I cut three inches off my penis! Just send the bottle back.

Men vs Guys (Added On: 2017-06-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Men.....know what they want to be doing five years down the road.

Guys....are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.
Men.....really know how to make you relax.

Guys....really know how to make you laugh.
Men.....read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.

Guys....read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.
Men.....make a lot of money before they are 30.

Guys....make a lot of mistakes before they are 30.
Men.....wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.

Guys....wear high school T-shirts they've actually owned since high
Men.....think perfume (yours) is a turn-on.

Guys....think sweat (theirs) is a turn-on.
Men.....balance their checkbooks.

Guys....balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy--
twice in a row.
Men.....claim to be feminists but still insist on opening doors,
driving and paying for dinner.

Guys....claim to be feminists because they let YOU open doors, drive
and pay for dinner.
Men.....have an internist, a tailor and an accountant.

Guys....have a barber, a bartender and a mechanic.
Men.....are afraid of becoming their fathers.

Guys....are afraid of becoming men.
Men.....put you on the phone when their mothers call.

Guys....pretend you're not there when their moms call.
Men.....start their own businesses.

Guys....quit their jobs.
Men.....are experts on women's erogenous zones.

Guys....are experts on their own most erogenous zone.
Men.....order wine based on more than the price.

Guys....bring their own beer.
Men.....break up with you by shaking hands and saying they're sorry you
didn't like the same movies and the sex wasn't very good, but
they hope you can still work together on the Chicago deal.

Guys....break up with you by standing you up, avoiding your calls, and
then, when you finally run into each other, acting as if they
can't quite place you.

Penis van lesbian (Added On: 2017-06-14 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Guy walks into movie studio asking for a movie career.

director says well u have everything we are looking for, u have had experience u have the look so wats ur name?

man answers penis van lesbian

sorry we cannot empoy u , u r gonna have to change ur name,

no van lesbian has been in my family for generations,no way.

so guy walks out


director recieves a cheque for 50 grand with a note saying i thought about what u said about changing my name so i changed it to the following.

dick van dike

i am thinking of u

An American In Jamaica... (Added On: 2017-06-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A young man truly in love with his girlfriend decided to have her name tattooed on his penis, her name was Wendy, and the tattoo was done while the penis was erect, so when it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married and they were honeymooning in Jamaica, the man was in a bathroom in Jamaica, and standing next to him was a Jamaican man who also had a W Y on his penis.

The American said to him "Oh is your girl named Wendy too?"

The Jamaican replied, "No, Mon that says, 'Welcome To Jamaica Have a Nice Day'".

There are 128 Naughty jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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