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Naughty Jokes

There are 156 Naughty jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

At a San Francisco Art Exhibition (Added On: 2018-01-14 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


At a San Francisco art exhibition, a young woman was staring at a painting of
three completely naked black men sitting on a park bench.

What was so unusual about the painting was that the men on the ends of the bench
had black penises, but the man in the middle had a very pink penis.

While the woman was scratching her head trying to understand the inner meaning
of the painting, the artist sauntered by and noticed her state of confusion...

"Can I help you with this painting?" he asked.

"Well, yes," said the woman, "I was curious about this picture of the black men
on the bench. Why is it that the man in the middle has a pink penis?"

"Oh," smiled the artist, "I'm afraid you've completely misinterpreted the
meaning of the painting... The three men are not Africans, they're English coal
miners - and the fellow in the middle went home for lunch!"


How Yodeling Began (Added On: 2018-01-14 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Many years ago, a man was travelling through the mountains of Switzerland.
Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a
farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him
that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter came down from upstairs and asked her
father, "Who was that man going into the barn?"

"That's some fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "He needed a place to
stay for the night, so I said that he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry."

So she prepared him a plate of food and took it out to the barn. About an hour
later, the daughter returned, her clothing dishevelled and straw in her hair,
straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man
was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she,
too, did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned
incorrectly and her hair all messed up. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise, the man in the barn got up and continued on his
journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned
that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without
even saying good-bye," she cried, "after we made such passionate love last
night?"

"What?" shouted the father, and angrily ran out of the house looking for
the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him,
"I'm gonna get you! You had sex with my daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountain side, cupped his hand next to his
mouth, and yelled out, "ILAIDTHEOLDLADEEETOO!"

And that's how yodeling began.


Rules for Women (Added On: 2018-01-10 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
So many men - so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.
Tell him you're not his type - you have a pulse.
Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
Never sleep with a man who's named his penis.
Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.
Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "oh alright, I'll stay the night."
Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even bother to have lunch with.
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.
Sadly, all men are created equal.
When he asks you if he's your first, tell him "you may be ... you do look familiar."


Where Did You Get The Idea? (Added On: 2018-01-06 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


On the way home from the party, the woman said to her husband, "Have I ever told you how handsome and sexy and irresistible to women you are?"

"Why no," said the husband, flattered.

"Then what the hell gave you that idea at the party?!" she yelled.


On Why Women and Men Have Such a Difficult Time Being Just Friends (Added On: 2018-01-04 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Men can't go with women to the bathroom.
Women complain about the ailments of getting older. Men show off the
pot-belly they've acquired and say they want two more just like it!
Guy-friends dancing with Gal-friends steers away potential girl/boy-friends
(or one-night stands).
Gals complain about their weight and guys laugh at them. A guy mentions he
might need to do a bit of toning up in the gym and the gal agrees with him, then
more things he needs to do to look better.
Cat-calling differs too much. Guys: "I wish I had a swing like that on my
front porch!" Gals: "Look at that ass...!"
Gals can't go out unless all their friends are also doing something. Guys go
out even if their best friend's parents both died on a Princess Cruise
while filming "The Love Boat's 100th Reunion" and his girlfriend just
dumped him for Tom Cruise.
Gals don't like the cat-calls they get from men. Guys wish they got more
cat-calls from women.
Gals like to just "hang and dance" with gal-friends. Guys will try to
"Humpty Dance" with their gal-friends... while she's trying too hook up with Tom
Cruise.
Women don't care who the top-ranked pinch hitter in the Minor League is.
Men get nervous about any woman's driving. Men also spin their cars on snow
on purpose during the winter.
Men can eat all they want and still think they look like Joe Montana.
Gals will take strays home and try to find a real home for it. Guys will
play target practice with the stray as it tries to run out of the way (as the
car spins on the snow).
Guy-friends ask for their gal-friends to return borrowed clothes.
Gals will complement guy-friends when they look nice (or their gal-friends
for that matter). Guys make a big deal about "I'm not hitting on you, but..."
when they compliment a gal-friend (they never complement their guy-friends).
Guys get ticked when he goes shopping with a gal and she doesn't take the
advice he gives her. Guy: "But you asked me what color I liked better!"
Guys read the newspaper. Gals go through looking for sales and see what
Kathy's words-of-wisdom are for the day.
Women never get tired of visiting the shoe store or the pet shop.
Women ignore the phone for a nice hot bath. Men ignore the phone during a
basketball game. Women always call men during basketball games and men always
call women while they're taking a bath.
Men can get their hair cut for $6.00.
Men don't have to shave their pits or legs, and still think they look like
Joe Montana if they go without shaving their faces.
Women are used to the "herd instinct".
Gal #1: "This is lame... let's do something else."
Other Gals: "Okay! Where to?"

Men "do their own thing."
Guy #1: "Dudes, this place is slammed. I'm outta here!"
Other Guys: "Well leave then, you looser!"

Note: this doesn't bother either group within the group, but when a the coffee
pots mix, the water goes sour.
Women can get free drinks at the bar, men only when with their gal-friends.
A man will ditch a woman to play with his newest electronic gadget.
When gal and guy friends park to talk, everyone else believes they just
"parked."
Women enjoy spending $300+ on something they will use only once.
Guys can't play tackle football with gal-friends.
Women can watch Top Gun an infinite number of times and still get
excited when the shadow-scenes come up. Men live for Star Trek marathon
weekends when they start off watching all the hour-episodes, then go into the
six movies, and finale it with all the little specials they have accumulated
on-tape.
Guys will never understand how devastating breaking a nail really is.
In a movie, guys want to see more blood and more sex. Gals just want to see
Tom Cruise naked - once!
Guys still go out when they have a "bad hair day." Gals can't go out until
every eyelash is properly sequenced.


There are 156 Naughty jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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