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Doctor Jokes

There are 62 Doctor jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Optimist v Pessimist (Added On: 2017-10-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


An optimist sees the best in the world, while a pessimist sees only the worst. An optimist finds the positive in the negative, and a pessimist can only find the negative in the positive.For example, an avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him.He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. they fired, and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet. This continued all day long; each time a duck fell, the dog walked across the surface of the water to retrieve it.The pessimist watched carefully, saw everything, but did not say a single word.On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?""Yes, I sure did," responded the pessimist. "He can't swim."


A Hermaphrodite Baby (Added On: 2017-10-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A woman gives birth to a baby. Afterwards, the doctor comes in, and
says, "I have to tell you something about your baby."

The woman sits up in bed and asks, "What's wrong with my baby, Doctor?
What's wrong?"

The doctor replies, "Well, now, nothing's wrong, exactly, but your
baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite."

The woman looks a little puzzled, "A hermaphrodite... what's that?"

The doctor says, "Well, it means your baby has both the... er...
features... of a male and a female."

The woman turns pale. She exclaims, "Oh my god! You mean it has a
penis and a brain?"


Grandmas Dead (Added On: 2017-09-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


"Do you believe in life after death?", the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, Sir", the employee replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine."The boss went on,
"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmothers funeral,
she stopped in to see you".


Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care (Added On: 2017-08-31 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


What does HMO stand for?
This is actually a variation of the phrase, "Hey, Moe!" Its roots go
back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a
patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was
poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical
finger poke with hi-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral
slips, but the result remains the same.
Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
No. Only those you need.
I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the
doctor I want?
Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your
insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were
participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered.
These doctors basically fall into two categories -- those who are no
longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no
longer part of the plan. But don't worry -- the remaining doctor who is
still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half
day's drive away!
What are pre-existing conditions?
This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they
want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to
be pre-stuck with it.
Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
Certainly, as long as they don't require any treatment.
What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
You'll need to find alternative forms of payment.
My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name
brand. I tried the generic medication, but it gave me a stomach ache.
What should I do?
Poke yourself in the eye.
I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly
cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery,
but I'd already paid my bill. What should I do?
You have two choices. Your doctor can sign the reimbursement
check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in
one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about,
like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.
What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
No, I mean what if I'm away from home and I get sick?
You really shouldn't do that. You'll have a hard time seeing
your primary care physician. It's best to wait until you return, and
then get sick.
I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can
handle my problem. Can a general practitioner really perform a
heart transplant right in his office?
Hard to say, but considering that all you're risking is the $10
co-payment, there's no harm giving him a shot at it.
What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
Will health care be any different in the next century?
No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then.

Written by David Lubar


Des Pardes (Added On: 2017-08-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Wife:
In Des - A woman who gives you your underwear and towel when you go to take shower.
In Pardes - A woman who yells at you not to leave tub dirty when you go to take a bath.
Son:
In Des - A teenager, who without asking will carry your grocery bags from the market.
In Pardes - A teenager, who suddenly remembers he has lot of homework when you start mowing the lawn.
Daughter:
In Des - A lovely doll, who brings tears to your eyes when she is getting married.
In Pardes - A lovely doll, who brings you to tears long before any marriage.
Mother:
In Des - A woman who defends you and cares for you, but would not dare to go against your father's wishes for you.
In Pardes - A women who is a sucker for anything you want, especially if dad's against it.
Father:
In Des - A person you are afraid of, and who is never to be disobeyed.
In Pardes - A person to whom you pretend to obey, after all he is the one paying your college tuition.
Desi Engineer:
In Des - A person with a respectable job and lots of upper ki kamai.
In Pardes - A person without a secure job, who always dreams one day he will be rich.
Desi Doctor:
In Des - A respectable person with reasonably good income.
In pardes - A money making machine, who has a money spending machine at home called 'doctor di biwi'.
Bhangra:
In Des - A vigorous Punjabi folk dance.
In Pardes - A desi dance you do, when you don't know how to dance.


There are 62 Doctor jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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