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Doctor Jokes

There are 52 Doctor jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

In a murder trial... (Added On: 2017-04-27 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


In a murder trial, thedefense attorney was cross-examining the coroner:Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse?Coroner: No.Attorney: Did you listen to the heart?Coroner: No.Attorney: Did you check for breathing?Coroner: No.Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren't sure the man was dead, were you?Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk. But I guess it's possible he could be out there practicing law somewhere.


Last Buffalo (Added On: 2017-04-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


An Indian brave returns from a scouting trip and seeks out the Chief."Chief, I have bad news, worse news and good news."The Chief asks for the bad news first.Scout says, "No more buffalo on reservation, we kill last one today."Chief asks for the worse news.Brave says, "Our land is being overrun by white men. They are coming by the
thousands."Finally the chief asks for the good news.The brave says, "Chief, the white men taste just like buffalo."


Rude Drunk (Added On: 2017-03-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A woman walked into a bar carrying a duck under her arm. The local drunk saw this and asked, "Hey, whatcha doin' with that pig?""That's not a pig, you stupid ass!" she said coldly. "That's a duck."The drunk replied. "I was talking to the duck."


Ode to beer (Added On: 2017-03-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


'You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.' - Frank Zappa.'Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.' - Ernest Hemingway.'Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.' - Winston Churchill.'He was a wise man who invented beer.' - Plato.'Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.' - Catherine Zondonella.'A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.' - W. C. Fields.'Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
'Madam, if you were my wife I would drink it.' - Churchill's reply.
'Sir, you're drunk!' - Lady Astor to Winston Churchill.
'Yes madam, and you're ugly. But in the morning I will be sober.' - Churchill's reply.'If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.' - David Daye.'When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.' - Henny Youngman.'Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.' - Benjamin Franklin.'If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose.' - Jack Handy.'Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.' - Dave Barry.'The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.' - Humphrey Bogart.'Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.' - David Moulton.'People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer, they just like to pee a lot.' - Capital Brewery, Middleton, Wisconsin.'Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.' - Kaiser Wilhelm.'I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.' - Homer Simpson.'Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.' - Unknown'I drink to make other people interesting.' - George Jean Nathan.'They who drink beer will think beer.' - Washington Irving.'An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.' - Ernest Hemingway in For Whom the Bell Tolls.'You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.' - Dean Martin.'All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.' - Homer Simpson.


Annoying Boy on Bus (Added On: 2017-02-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!'' The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''


There are 52 Doctor jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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