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Golf Jokes

There are 39 Golf jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The Incredible Golf Ball (Added On: 2017-12-04 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Two Golfers were approaching the first tee.



The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend - "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag.

"Use this one - You can't lose it!"



His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!!"

The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it.



If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."



Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?"



The man replies, "I found it."



(Think about it... it'll come to you


Men's golf rules (Added On: 2017-11-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Posted at a local golf club:



  1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.


  2. Form a loose grip.


  3. Keep your head down.


  4. Avoid a quick back swing.


  5. Stay out of the water.


  6. Try not to hit anyone.


  7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.


  8. Don't stand directly in front of others.


  9. Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.


  10. Don't take extra strokes. Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside and tee off.


A Golfing Parody (Added On: 2017-11-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


The season is upon us, and so that all you duffers out there are prepared, here's a little poem for you all to memorize and trot out as the need arises.

Trees: A Golfing Parody

I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree;
A tree o'er which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie.

A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard;
A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send.

A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear.
Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.

(Author unknown, but with apologies to Joyce Kilmer)


Hole in One (Added On: 2017-10-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement.The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away (as they say in basketball, nothing but net). A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"


Holy Golfing Guide (Added On: 2017-09-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


There were three golfers.One golfer hit the ball and it went in the water. He walked over to the edge and stuck his golf club into the water. The water parted and the golfer hit his ball onto the green.The second golfer hit his ball. It also splashed into the water. The golfer walked onto the water, found his the ball, placed it next to the water hazard and hit it onto the green.As you may have guessed, the first golfer was Moses, and the second golfer was Jesus.The third teed off. The ball soared through the air and it too was headed for the water. However, just before the ball went in the water, a fish jumped up and grabbed the ball in its mouth. As the fish was about to go back into the water, a eagle grabbed the fish and started to fly away. Then, as the eagle flew over the green a big flash of lightning hit the eagle. Well, the eagle dropped the fish and as the fish fell on the green, the ball rolled out of his mouth and into the hole.Then Jesus shouted, "Dad! If you do that again,I'm going to stop inviting you to play golf with us!"


There are 39 Golf jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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