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Golf Jokes

There are 42 Golf jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Vince (Added On: 2018-02-11 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince.""Who?" asked the man."Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time."The man replied, "There are always a few clouds over everybody.""Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star."replied the cabbie."He was something, huh?" asked the man."He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." added the cab driver."No wonder you remember him." remarked the man."Well, I never actually met Vince." said the cabbie."Then how do you know so much about him?" asked the man.The cab driver answered, "I married his widow."

Golf laws (Added On: 2018-02-06 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Finally there's a logical explanation to the confusion and complexity of the game. You might just enjoy these:

Tour Through The Absolute Laws of Golf

The 1st Tee: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summmer and, eventually, a lifetime.

The 2nd Dogleg: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

The 3rd Hole: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water.

The 4th Fairway: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should immediately be cut down.

More on the Laws of Golf...

The 5th Hole: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instuctor.

The 6th Rough: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.

The 7th Fairway: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.

The 8th Tee: Palm trees eat golf balls.

The 9th Sand Bunker: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you?

The Back Nine of the Laws of Golf...

The 10th Green: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse.

The 11th Water Hazard: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

The 12th Tee: All 3-woods are demon-possessed.

The 13th Fairway: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (see 3rd Hole)

The 14th Sand Bunker: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.

The Final Leg of the Tour...

The 15th Green: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker."

The 16th Tee: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you.

The 17th Fairway: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

The 18th Bunker: Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

And Finally...

The 19th Hole: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same day.

Really lowsy golfer (Added On: 2018-01-21 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

An inept golfer once drove his tee shot onto an anthill. After many swings, he demolished the anthill but still had not hit the ball.

At this point, one of the two ants still alive turned to the other and said, "If we are going to stay alive, we had better get on the ball!"

The Incredible Golf Ball (Added On: 2017-12-04 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Two Golfers were approaching the first tee.

The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend - "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag.

"Use this one - You can't lose it!"

His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!!"

The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it.

If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it."

Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?"

The man replies, "I found it."

(Think about it... it'll come to you

Men's golf rules (Added On: 2017-11-15 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Posted at a local golf club:

  1. Back straight, knees bent, feet shoulder width apart.

  2. Form a loose grip.

  3. Keep your head down.

  4. Avoid a quick back swing.

  5. Stay out of the water.

  6. Try not to hit anyone.

  7. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.

  8. Don't stand directly in front of others.

  9. Quiet please ... while others are preparing to go.

  10. Don't take extra strokes. Very good. Now flush the urinal, go outside and tee off.

There are 42 Golf jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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