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General / Unsorted Jokes

There are 2828 General / Unsorted jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Freeze, turkey (Added On: 2017-10-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A woman went into a pet shop and said to the man, "I want a parrot
but sell me one that definitely talks."

The man sold her a parrot, saying, "This one definitely talks."

The woman took him home, set his cage up on a table and said to
the parrot, "Ok, talk."

The parrot said, "Show me your tits." The woman was outraged. So
she put him in the refrigerator. After a while, she took him out
and said, "So talk."

Again, the parrot said, "Show me your tits." The woman, to show
the parrot his place, put him in the fridge for a longer time and
the same thing happened. She was quite annoyed. This time she
put him in the freezer.

There was a turkey in the freezer. The parrot said to the turkey,
"How did you get here? Did you ask for a blowjob?"


The ATM (Added On: 2017-10-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


The ATMHIM: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Insert card 3. Enter PIN number and account 4. Take cash, card and receipt 5. Leave HER: 1. Pull up to ATM 2. Check makeup in rearview mirror 3. Shut off engine 4. Put keys in purse 5. Get out of car because she's too far from machine 6. Hunt for card in purse 7. Insert card 8. Hunt in purse for tampon wrapper with PIN number written on it 9. Enter PIN number 10. Study instructions for at least 2 minutes. 11. Hit "cancel" 12. Re-enter correct PIN number 12a. Hit "cancel" 12b. Call husband to get correct PIN number 13. Check balance 14. Look for envelope 15. Look in purse for pen 16. Make out deposit slip 17. Endorse checks 18. Make deposit 19. Study instructions 20. Make cash withdrawal 21. Get in car 22. Check makeup 23. Look for keys 24. Start car 25. Check makeup 26. Start pulling away 27. STOP 28. Back up to machine 29. Get out of car 30. Take card and receipt 31. Get back in car 32. Put card in wallet 33. Put receipt in checkbook 34. Enter deposits and withdrawals in checkbook 35. Clear area in purse for wallet and checkbook 36. Check makeup 37. Put car in gear, reverse 38. Put car in drive 39. Drive away from machine 40. Travel 3 miles 41. Release parking brake



What do you call a girl with no arms and legs lying in a frying pan? (Added On: 2017-10-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Pam


Howe 2 right gud (Added On: 2017-10-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Nowe u two can rite gud!

Howe two rite gud
Frank L. Visco
Vice-president and Senior Copywriter at US Advertising.
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:

Avoid alliteration. Always.
Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.
Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)
Employ the vernacular.
Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
Contractions aren't necessary.
Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
One should never generalize.
Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: ``I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.''
Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
Don't be redundant; don't more use words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
Profanity sucks dick.
Be more or less specific.
Understatement is always best.
Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
One-word sentences? Never.
Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
The passive voice is to be avoided.
Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
Who needs rhetorical questions?
Be careful to use apostrophe's correctly.
Do not use them pronouns as modifiers.
And never start a sentence with a conjunction.


Grandma's Advice (Added On: 2017-10-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


There was this virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

So, the grandmother says sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try to kiss you, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

He is going to try to feel your breast, you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

He is going to try to put his hand between your legs , you are going to like that but, don't let him do that.

But most important, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that but, don't let him do that, it will disgrace the family.

With that bit of advise, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it. So, the next day she told her grandmother that her date went just like she said.

But she said "grandmother I didn't let him disgrace the family.
When he tried I turned over, got on top of him and disgraced his family!"


There are 2828 General / Unsorted jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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