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General / Unsorted Jokes

There are 2459 General / Unsorted jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

15 Signs You Forgot Secretaries Day (Added On: 2017-06-27 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

15 Signs You Forgot Someone On Secretaries Day

1. Phone messages delivered on end of spear.
2. Your important dictation somehow seems to blah blah blah I am a slave-driving cheapskate.
3. A copy of the latest bestseller "So, Your Head's Up Your Ass, Now What?" appears on your desk.
4. When did FTD start doing an "Up Yours" Bouquet?
5. First, a message that Cindy Crawford is on line 2, followed a few seconds later by Satanic laughter.
6. It's not so much the cold coffee, it's the staples at the bottom of the cup.
7. Your big business dinner at the Four Seasons Restaurant in Manhattan is rescheduled for Big Jeb's 24-Hour Truck Stop outside of Newark, New Jersey.
8. Nude picture of Marlon Brando pops up in your Powerpoint presentation.
9. Supposedly shredded Whitewater documents turn up in the Washington Post cafeteria.
10. Now answers the phone, "Smith, Jones and Tighta**."
11. That NY-to-LA trip she booked for you now involves six plane changes, a 12-hour layover in Guam and a personal appearance on Ricki Lake's "I'm A Selfish Pig" episode.
12. Newly-typed organization chart lists your position as "Head Up His Ass."
13. Your computer's mouse has been replaced by an electro-genital shock device.
14. While admittedly funnier than usual, daily Top 5 list she forwards you contains 15 identical "You suck!" entries.
15. Expense report you don't recall submitting comes back with denied charges for "beer & hookers."

Six years ago (Added On: 2017-06-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Census Officer: “Mataji, you say your husband died six years ago but you have given the names of two sons aged four and two years respectively.” Widow Lady: “I said my husband died six years ago, I didn’t say I also died at the same time.”

'Divorced Barbie' (Added On: 2017-06-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"
The Manager replied, "Which one? We have 'Barbie goes to the gym' for Rs19.95.. 'Barbie goes to the Ball' for Rs19.95 ... 'Barbie goes shopping for Rs19.95 ...'Barbie goes to the beach' for Rs19.95 ...'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for Rs19.95.. and 'Divorced Barbie' for Rs375.00".
"Why is the Divorced Barbie Rs 375.00, when all the others are Rs19.95?" Dad asked surprised.
"Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

Deep thoughts (Added On: 2017-06-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth--that most of us go to Hell and burn eternally--but I didn't want to upset him. It sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday, like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for the long weekends. Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote. Home is where the house is. Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number. As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days saved up. It would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident. No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood would be right there. Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money. The people who think Tiny Tim is strange are the same ones who think it odd that I drive without pants. For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. Think of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you could come up with! I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween. The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't is morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" Once, I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had n

Because they can't elope.

(Cantaloupe) (Added On: 2017-06-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Because they can't elope.


There are 2459 General / Unsorted jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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