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Police Jokes

There are 22 Police jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The highly-skilled fly (Added On: 2017-10-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A prisoner at the Edmonton Max started training a large fly to do tricks.For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA. "When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly. "we're going to tour the nightspots and make a fortune." Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate. At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender. In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the newspaper THE EDMONTON SUN, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe. "Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Blasted things are everywhere."


Rookie is on the job (Added On: 2017-10-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A rookie police officer was out for his first ride in a cruiser with an experienced partner. A call came in telling them to disperse some people who were loitering.The officers drove to the street and observed a small crowd standing on a corner.The rookie rolled down his window and said, "Let's get off the corner people."A few glances, but no one moved, so he barked again, "Let's get off that corner... NOW!"Intimidated, the group of people began to leave, casting puzzled stares in his direction.Proud of his first official act, the young policeman turned to his partner and asked, "Well, how did I do?"Pretty good," chuckled the vet, "especially since this is a bus stop."


A test for being drunk (Added On: 2017-10-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A police officer pulls over this guy who had been weaving in and out of the lanes.He goes up to the guy's window and says, "Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."The man says, "Sorry officer I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack.""Okay, fine. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample." "I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death.""Well, then we need a urine sample.""I'm sorry officer I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar.""Alright then I need you to come out here and walk this white line.""I can't do that, officer.""Why not?""Because I'm too drunk to do that!"


A story behind a gun (Added On: 2017-09-30 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Big Louie the Torpedo was becoming increasingly curious about one of the newer members of his mob, Benny the Rod. Benny had been in the business for many years in another part of the country. During that time he had garnered quite a reputation for being the most conscientious and honorable hit man available. He was also considered quite eccentric, perhaps odd, in that for the last ten years or so he always kept one hand in his pocket - clutching his cold steel weapon in readiness (hence the nickname, Benny the Rod). When Benny arrived at Louie's office, the question was put to him."So what's the story with you and this here gun of yours, eh? Like, are you scared or somethin' or you just want to always be ready or what?""Not scared ..." Benny growled, "been doin' it dis way ever since me sister-in-law's weddin' 'bout ten ten years ago now"."Oh yeah? ... so ...?""Well, I used ta know her fiance at da time - a no good chisler. He never even loved the goil so much ... but he made her happy and so I kept me mouth shut about it", Benny explained.Louie leaned in, expecting the point of the matter."And since dat time I gotta do it dis way"."But WHY?!", Louie finally demanded?"Well, I was at da wedding", grumbled Benny, and I wasn't about to say nuttin' about it then, so now I gotta do like da preacher said ..."Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Piece!"


The animal's warning (Added On: 2017-08-27 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.The cop asked the farmer, "Didn't you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?"The farmer replied, "No, I didn't knowed that."The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To Memphis". The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis."So the farmer promised he would.Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again.The cop said "I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis" and to this the farmer replied "I did and we had so much fun, I'm taking him to the circus."


There are 22 Police jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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