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Top Lists Jokes

There are 23 Top Lists jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

A BBS Commandment (Added On: 2017-05-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


19. Thou shalt log on properly and in accordance with the SysOp's rules.


20 Ways To Confuse Trick-Or-Treaters: (Added On: 2017-04-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


1. Give away something other than candy. (Toothpicks, golf balls, bags of sand, etc.)

2. Wait behind the door until some people come. When they get near the door, jump out, wearing a costume, and holding a bag, and yell, "Trick or Treat!" Look at them, scratch your head, and act confused.



3. Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.



4. Get about 30 people to wait in your living room. When trick-or-treaters come to the door, say, "Come in." When they do, have everyone yell, "Surprise!!!" Act like it's a surprise party.



5. Get everyone who comes to the door to come in and see if they can figure out what's wrong with your dishwasher. Insist that it makes an unnatural "whirring" sound.



6. After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.



7. Open the door dressed as a giant fish. Immediately collapse, and don't move or say anything until the trick-or-treaters go away.



8. When you answer the door, hold up one candybar, throw it out into the street, and yell, "Crawl for it!"



9. When you answer the door, look at the trick-or-treaters, act shocked and scared, and start screaming your head off. Slam the door and runaround the house, screaming until they go away.



10. Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.



11. Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.



12. Get a catapult. Sit on your porch and catapult pumpkins at anyone who comes within 50 yards of your house.



13. When people come to the door, jump out a nearby window, crashing through the glass, and run as far away from your house as you can.



14. Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.



15. Instead of candy, give away colored eggs. If anyone protests, explain that the eggs are the only thing you had left over from Easter.



16. Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.



17. Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.



18. Hand out cigarettes and bottles of asprin.



19. Put a crown on a pumpkin and put the pumpkin on a throne on your porch. Insist that all of the trick-or-treaters bow before the pumpkin.



20. Dress up like a bunny rabbit. Yell and curse from the moment you open the door, and angrily throw the candy at the trick-or-treaters. Slam the door when you're finished.




Top Ten Ways Y2K Will Affect Disney World (Added On: 2017-03-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.7. The "It's a Small World After All" creatures go on a rampage.6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting "Kill Clinton, kill Clinton."5. When you wish upon a star, nothing happens.4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.3. "Main Street Electrical Parade" becomes "Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade."2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.1. Two words: catapulting teacups.


Naughty legal phrases (Added On: 2017-02-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Top Ten Legal Phrases That Sound Dirtier Than They Really Are:

10. Have you looked through her briefs?

9. He is one hard judge!

8. Counselor, let's do it in chambers.

7. His attorney withdrew at the last minute.

6. Is it a penal offense?

5. Better leave the handcuffs on.

4. For $200 an hour, she better be good!

3. Can you get him to drop his suit?

2. The judge gave her the stiffest one he could. And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in law but isn't:

1. Think you can get me off?


Fun to do during an exam (Added On: 2017-01-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.


There are 23 Top Lists jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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