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Military Jokes

There are 55 Military jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Overheard from a Soviet Diplomat (Added On: 2017-10-06 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

So Gorbachev decided that now that he was on top, it was time
to impress his ancient mother. He sent his private helicopter out to
the small town where she lived to pick her up. He met her with a
fleet of limos in Red Square.

So, mama. It's good to see you here in Moscow! Come, we eat!

She said nothing about the flight, and followed quietly into his
limo. He took her to the best restaurant in town, where they were served
by an army of waiters. The food was superb, the wine the best money
could buy. She said nothing.

You like the dinner? Come. We fly to my Dacha for drinks.

The chopper picked them up and delivered them to the steps of a
magnificent building, secluded in the outskirts of the city. Waiters
in white coats were waiting, and proceeded to serve them with the
best Cognac and liquor available.

They sat sipping on the porch, looking out over the view.

So, mama. You don't say anything. Aren't you proud of your
little Miki? Haven't I done well?

She turned to him and replied in a quiet voice.

Miki, baby. Is wonderful time I have here. Helicopters are so
grand to fly in. Food is best I have ever tasted. And this, a dacha?
This is more glorious than anything I could imagine.

Yes, Miki. Is wonderful. I am happy for you. But Miki, Baby.
What if the communists return!


(Yes, this is NOT my own. I heard it at a party in Sweden, being
told by a low member of the Soviet corps. there.)

Jeep is Stuck (Added On: 2017-09-21 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

During training exercises, the lieutenant driving
down a muddy back road encountered another car
stuck in the mud with a red faced colonel at the
wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant
as he pulled alongside.

"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."

You might just be white trash if ... (Added On: 2017-09-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

You might just be white trash if ...

You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.

The Salvation Army declines your mattress.

You were shooting pool when any of your children were born.

Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos."

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You keep a can of RAID on your kitchen table.

Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

The gas pedal in your car is shaped like a bare foot.

Landing at a hidden military base (Added On: 2017-08-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

You've all heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?" Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn't a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base" briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.The day after that though, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's surrounded the plane...only this time there were two people in the plane. The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!"

Polish Inventions (Added On: 2017-07-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A wheelchair with pedals...
Glow-in-the-dark sunglasses...
A submarine with a screen door...
A helicopter with an ejection seat...
A wooden fireplace...
A fireproof match...
A sliding glass door with a peephole...
And a solar-powered flashlight.

There are 55 Military jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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