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Religious Jokes

There are 103 Religious jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

What is white and flies (Added On: 2017-08-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


What is white and flies across the sky?


The coming of the Lord.


Sign outside a church in (Added On: 2017-08-11 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Sign outside a church in New York City :

Today's Sermon:
Do Not Be Deceived
By Rev. Arthur McConnel


IN THE BEGINNING........ (Added On: 2017-08-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


In the beginning God created the heavens and the Earth.And the Earth was without form, and void, and darkness was upon the face of the deep.And Satan said, "It doesn't get any better than this."And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.And God said, "Let the earth bring forth grass, the herb yielding seed, and the fruit tree yielding fruit," and God saw that it was good.And Satan said, "There goes the neighborhood."And God said, "Let us make Man in our image, after our likeness, and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air and over the cattle, and over all the Earth, and over every creeping
thing that creepeth upon the Earth." And so God created Man in his own image; male and female created he them. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit.And Satan said, "I know how I can get back in this game."And God populated the earth with broccoli and cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.And Satan created McDonald's. And McDonald's brought forth the 99-cent double cheeseburger.And Satan said to Man, "You want fries with that?"And Man said, "Supersize them." And Man gained 5 pounds. And God created the healthful yogurt, that woman might keep her figure that man found so fair.And Satan brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained 5 pounds. And God said, "Try my crispy fresh salad."And Satan brought forth Ben and Jerry's. And Woman gained 10 pounds.And God said, "I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables and olive oil with which to cook them."And Satan brought forth chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter.And Man gained 10 pounds and his bad cholesterol went through the roof.And God brought forth running shoes and Man resolved to lose those extra pounds.And Satan brought forth cable TV with remote control so


Fully loaded (Added On: 2017-08-06 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he could improve his public speaking skills. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a little sip."

So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the begining of the serman, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door, with the monsignor's comments about this second sermon:

1. Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and Spook
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.We do not refer to the cross as the big T!
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat Me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not reffered to as the "Mary with the Cherry"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-a-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God"
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's


oh adam!! (Added On: 2017-07-31 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


there was three nuns that died and went to heaven.when they got to the gate st peter was there and he asked the three nuns some questions about the bible the fist question was"what was adam's partners name?"the first nun replied "eve"and she went inside,the second nun was asked "what was the garden called?"the second nun replied"eden"she went in,finaly the third nun was asked a question he siad "what was eve's first thought about adam?"the nun replied ' oh thats a hard one!'


There are 103 Religious jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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