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Religious Jokes

There are 127 Religious jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

One day in the Garden (Added On: 2018-02-03 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a
problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden
and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but
I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for
you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an
enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All
in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and
more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a
ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in
the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But,
you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."


Get me to the church (Added On: 2018-01-31 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A quite sobered up drunk is at Sunday mass listening to a long boring
sermon. Feeling still hungover and tired he finally nods out hoping
no one will notice. The priest has been watching him all along and at
the end of the sermon decides to make an example out of him.

"Who in this room would like a place in heaven please stand up"
he exclaims. The whole room stands up except of course for one. Obviously
displeased he now says loudly, "and he who would like to find a place in hell
please STAND UP." The man catching only the last part, groggily stands up
only to find that he's the only one standing up. Confused and embarrassed
he says, "I don't know what we're voting on here father but sure seems like
you and me are the only ones standing for it."


The Lord gets up one (Added On: 2018-01-24 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


The Lord gets up one day and decides it's time to make human
sexuality. He calls his assistant Jocko and asks him to bring a large
bowl over to the ingredient workbench. He then begins the recipe. In
goes a healthy portion of lust, some friendship, understanding, and a
little bit of loneliness. Finally, he adds love and the mixture is
ready for the final touches. He tells Jocko


"Go into the back room and bring me five of the most sensitive
nerve endings we have."

Jocko's eyes open wide in astonishment and with obvious fear and
respect stutters

"Ah, sir. You know that I never question anything you do.
After all, you are the Lord. But are you sure that human beings can
handle that much sensitivity ? Remember, we only put two sensitive
nerves in the fingers, and only three under the arms."

The Lord looks down at his little helper and replies

"Jocko, I know what I'm doing. In fact, make it ten. I think
I'd like to hear my name said out loud once in a while."


the robber (Added On: 2018-01-20 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


a robber whas running from the cops so he ran into a church and he seen a preist and he shot
the preist moments later the cops shot the robber but ther whas a mix up the preist went to hell and the robber went to heaven then the mistack was cleard and when they swiched the preist said to the robber i can't wate to meet the vigin mary then the robber replide
she's not a virgin any more.


What is it like to you? (Added On: 2018-01-12 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Mortal: What is a million years like to you? God: Like one second. Mortal: What is a million dollars like to you? God: Like one penny. Mortal: Can I have a penny? God: Just a second.


There are 127 Religious jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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