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Religious Jokes

There are 110 Religious jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Fannie Green (Added On: 2017-10-11 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession. I've had sex with Fannie Green every week for the last month." The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's." Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I have had sex with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months." This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?" A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies. Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten Hail Mary's." The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar. Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes. The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style. The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?!" The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think its just the reflection off her shoes."


Because It's Lent (Added On: 2017-09-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blond virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch.When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "Because it's Lent."Almost in tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! To whom did you lend it, and for how long?"


The Tradition of the Christmas Angel (Added On: 2017-09-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One particular Christmas season, long ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip ... but everything seemed to be going wrong. Four of his elves got sick and had to be replace with trainee elves, which slowed down the production line -- so Santa was beginning to feel pressured and behind schedule early on. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mother was coming to spend the holidays with them again, and that stressed out Santa even more.
It only got worse when he began to prepare for his trip. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that one of them was about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out heaven knows where, which meant that more elves had to be pulled off the toy line to go find them. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards came loose and the toy bag fell to the ground, scattering toys everywhere. He picked them up and then spent ten minutes looking around the shop for the right size nail for the damn board, and of course he whacked himself on the thumb while pounding it into the board.
Deeply frustrated at this point, Santa figured he'd better have a cup of coffee and a shot of whiskey before heading out. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had drank all the liquor, whihc made Santa so angry that he slammed the coffee pot down on the table -- and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mhis mother-in-law had taken it somehwere.
Just then the doorbell rang, and Santa went to answer it, cursing yet another interruption. He opened the door and there was a little angel with golden ringlets and a sparkly robe carrying a great big Christmas tree. The angel said, very cheerfully, “Merry Christmas Santa. Isn't it just a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Isn't it just a lovely tree? Where would you like me to stick it?” Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.


Talking Parrots (Added On: 2017-09-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A woman approaches her priest and tells him,
'Father, I have a problem. I have two talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.''What do they say?' the priest inquires.'They only know how to say, "Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?"''That's terrible,' the priest exclaims, 'but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots that I taught to pray and recite the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship.''Thank you,' the woman responds.The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The woman puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots.Immediately, the female parrots say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?'One of the male parrots looks over at the other male parrot and says,
'Put the beads away, our prayers have been answered.'


A student was asked to (Added On: 2017-09-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His
answer?
"3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7".


There are 110 Religious jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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