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True Stories Jokes

There are 19 True Stories jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

In the current film, Titanic, (Added On: 2017-07-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

In the current film, Titanic, the character Rose is shown giving the
finger to Jack (another character).Many people who have seen the film,
question whether "giving the finger" was done around the time of the
Titanic disaster,or was it a more recent gesture invented by some defiant
seventh-grader. According to research, here's the true story:

Before the Battle of Agincourt in 1415, the French, anticipating victory
over the English, proposed to cut off the middle finger of all captured
English soldiers. Without the middle finger it would be impossible to draw
the renowned English longbow and therefore be incapable of fighting in the
future. This famous weapon was made of the native English Yew tree, and
the act of drawing the longbow was known as "plucking the yew" (or "pluck

Much to the bewilderment of the French, the English won a major upset and
began mocking the French by waved their middle fingers at the defeated
French,saying, "See, we can still pluck yew! "PLUCK YEW!"

Over the years some 'folk etymologies' have grown up around this symbolic
gesture. Since 'pluck yew' is rather difficult to say (like "pleasant
mother pheasant plucker", which is who you had to go to for the feathers
used on the arrows for the longbow), the difficult consonant cluster at the
beginning has gradually changed to a labiodental fricative 'F',and thus the
words often used in conjunction with the one-finger-salute are mistakenly
thought to have something to do with an intimate encounter. It is also
because of the pheasant feathers on the arrows that the symbolic gesture is
known as "giving the bird".

And yew all thought yew knew everything!

Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: (Added On: 2017-06-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual festival
in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This year, no
bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including one gored
in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one bull
against [a town of] a thousand morons."

An elderly lady did her (Added On: 2017-06-07 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

An elderly lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car found four
males sitting in the car.

She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at
them at the top of her voice that she knows how to use it and that she will
if required...so get out of the car!

The four men didn't wait around for a second invitation but got out and ran
like mad, where upon the lady proceeded to load her shopping bags into the
back of the car and got into the driver's seat.

Small problem: her key wouldn't fit the ignition. Her car was identical and
parked four or five spaces further down.

She reloaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The
sergeant that she told the story to nearly tore himself in two with
laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter where four very pale
males were reporting a car jacking by a mad elderly woman.

No charges were filed.

Looking for Love: "Heartthrob Fabio (Added On: 2017-02-23 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Looking for Love: "Heartthrob Fabio announced he is looking for his dream
woman," says Jay Leno. "He says he wants someone who's funny, secure,
independent and has a good personality. You know what's really sad- the
one woman in Hollywood who fits those criteria is Ellen DeGeneres."

In the 80's, a [local] (Added On: 2016-12-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

In the 80's, a [local] radio station had a couple of DJs who claimed
the stealth fighter had landed at the Mt. Joy airport in Mt. Joy,
Iowa. This is used mainly by the weekend warriors, and once a year
it's used for an air show. The authorities were notified after an
estimated 10,000 people came to the airport. They asked the
people why they were out there, and they were given the story about
the stealth fighter.

The authorities then called the FBI, who talked to the FAA, who
called the FBI back. The two DJs got yanked off the air and
suspended for two weeks -- but not before some people at the
airport, armed with cell phones, called into the station, got put on
the air, and said that they couldn't see the thing. The DJs replied
that it was proof the technology worked.

To top it all off: the DJs said the only way that you could see
the plane was to move your head back and fourth -- like a chicken
when it walks -- and try to catch a glimpse out of the corner of
your eye. They stated that if you looked right at it, you would
never see it. This was believed and a majority of the people were
doing just this when the police arrived!

There are 19 True Stories jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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