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Bar Jokes

There are 121 Bar jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The lemon squeezer (Added On: 2017-06-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.

The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.

Many people had tried over time (weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.

One day this scrawny little man came into the bar, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny squeaky voice " I'd like to try the bet"

After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.

But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.

As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man: "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight-lifter or what?"

The man replied "I work for the IRS."


Science humour (Added On: 2017-06-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. He goes to pay the bartender, and the bartender says "hey, for you, no charge"


Bar (Added On: 2017-05-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


three men walk into a bar you would think the last one would of seen it


Druggie Bear (Added On: 2017-05-19 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


SCENARIO Big black bear walks into a bar in British Columbia, Canada and sits up at the bar.

BLACK BEAR "A beer please, bartender."

BARTENDER "We don't serve big, black bears beer in bars!"

BLACK BEAR "Come on. just one."

BARTENDER "I'll tell you once more. We don't serve big, black bears beer in bars!"

BLACK BEAR "If you don't give me a beer, I'll go and eat the girl sitting at the end of this bar."

SCENARIO No beer. Bear eats girl sitting at bar!

BARTENDER "I told you we don't serve big, black bears beer in bars, especially one on drugs."

BLACK BEAR "I don't do drugs!"

BARTENDER "Yes you do, ... that was a bar bitch you ate!"


A Guy Walks Into A Bar (Added On: 2017-05-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers... like a telephone... on his hand and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn't need any trouble here.

The guy says, "You don't understand. I'm very hi-tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular."



The bartender says "Prove it."



The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender. The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a conversation. "That's incredible", says the bartender... "I would never have believed it!"



"Yeah", said the guy, "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?" The bartender directs him to the men's room. The guy goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes go by and he doesn't return.



Fearing the worst given the neighborhood, the bartender goes into the men's room. There is the guy spread-eagle on the wall. His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper up his butt.



"Oh my god!" said the bartender. "Did they rob you? Are you hurt?"



The guy turns and says: "No, I'm ok. I'm just waiting for a fax."


There are 121 Bar jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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