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Bar Jokes

There are 131 Bar jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Dancer (Added On: 2017-07-26 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A large woman, wearing a sleeveless sun dress, walked into a bar in London. She raised her right arm, revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?”
The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, an owly-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, “Give the ballerina a drink!”The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them, revealing the same hairy armpit, and asked, “What man here will buy a lady a drink?” Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, “Give the ballerina another drink!”The bartender approached the little drunk and said, “I say, old chap, it’s your business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her the ballerina?’”“As far as I’m concerned”, the drunk replied, “any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina!”


If You Were my Husband... (Added On: 2017-07-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A woman at a party walked up to a man and told him, ''If you were my husband I would poison your drink." The man replied, ''If you were my wife I would drink it.''


The Fight! (Added On: 2017-07-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Kelly limps into his favorite pub...



My god! What happened to you?" the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.



"I got in a tiff with Riley", whispered Kelly to the beertender.



"Riley? He's just a wee fellow," the barkeep said surprised.

"He must have had something in his hand."



"That he did," Kelly said. "A shovel it was."



"Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?"



"Aye, that I did - Mrs. Riley's right tit." Kelly said.

"And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight!"


Drunk Mrs. Fitzgeral (Added On: 2017-07-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman."Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly."This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?""Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back and forth. The reverend realised that she had had too much to drink and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald, her skirt hiked up to her waist. The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we won't have any of that carrying on in this bar."The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."The bartender nodded."Well if you're that far you may as well finish."


Tiny pianist (Added On: 2017-07-11 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


This man walks into a bar with an old shopping bag in hand. He sets the bag on top of the bar and pulls up his stool. The bartender comes over and asks what he'll have to swill.

As he states his preference, something in the bag is moving around shaking the paper bag. The bartender gives a puzzled look but proceeds to the tap. As he's filling the mug, he looks at the bag again and sees that something is still moving around in the bag. He brings the beer over and places it in front of the man. His curiosity gets the best of him and he asks the man what he's got in the bag.

The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little piano and sets it on the bar... the bartender looks intently at the piano as the man again reaches into the bag... pulling out a small piano bench. He places the bench in front of the piano and again reaches into the bag pulling out a foot tall man. The man sits at the piano and begins playing.

The bartender says,"wow, he sure can play the piano, where'd you get him?"

The guy looks at him and again reaches into the bag and pulls out a genie lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says, "Here, go ahead, rub it.."

So the bartender says, "Is there a real genie in there?"

And the guy says, "Yes, just rub it and see."

So the bartender says okay and begins to rub the lamp... and out pops this beautiful genie. She says, "I will grant you one wish, and one wish only."

So the bartender ponders this for a moment and says, "Okay, I'd like a million bucks."

The genie disappears... and they're both waiting and waiting and nothing happens. They both look at each other and shrug their shoulders.

Then a minute later a duck pops up at the end of the bar. They both look at each other, very puzzled, and then another duck appears... and another, and another... and it continues.

The bartender looks at the guy and says, "I think your genie is deaf. I said I wanted a million bucks not a million ducks."

And the man says, "Yes, I know, do you think I wanted a twelve inch pianist?"


There are 131 Bar jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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