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Aviation Jokes

There are 29 Aviation jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

God Bless Us (Added On: 2017-03-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


There are five people on a plane that's crashing. There is the pilot, Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky and a big, fat lady and four parachutes. The pilot jumps out and yells, ''God bless me!'' Bill Gates jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my bank account!'' Michael Jordan jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and my team!'' Wayne Gretzky jumps out and yells, ''God bless me and the New York Rangers!'' The big, fat lady jumps out without a parachute and yells, ''God bless me and the people I land on!''


Being Finicky, Are You? (Added On: 2017-03-02 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Excerpted from "Masquerade: The Amazing Camouflage Deceptions of World War II", Seymour Reit (Signet, 1980):

Another enemy decoy, built in occupied Holland, led to a tale that has been told and retold ever since by veteran Allied pilots.

The German "airfield", constructed with meticulous care, was made almost entirely of wood.

There were wooden hangars, oil tanks, gun emplacements, trucks, and aircraft.

The day finally came when the decoy was finished, down to the last wooden plank. And early the following morning, a lone RAF plane crossed the Channel, came in low, circled the field once, and dropped a large wooden bomb.


Rattling airplane over Scotland (Added On: 2017-02-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


The jet plane started to rattle. Quickly, the pilot turned northward. As soon as they crossed the border into Scotland, everything tightened up.


Cajun hunters (Added On: 2017-02-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Justin Williams told this joke on his Cajun Cooking show:

Two Cajuns, Rober' and Maurice, decided that hunting possums had gotten too dull, so they planned a trip to Canada to shoot moose. They flew in commercial planes all the way to Saskatoon, and from there, they hired a bush pilot to take them in a little plane into moose country.

The pilot put them down in a short little airstrip about 200 kms from nowhere.

"Boys," he said, "I'll be back here at noon in three days. You be right here, and remember that this plane is too small to carry more than the three of us and ONE moose. So, there's no need to hunting more than ONE moose, because you won't be able to take but one out of here."

Robert and Maurice nodded agreement, and off the plane went, leaving the two Cajuns in the wilderness, eager for their hunting expedition.

On the third day, the plane landed at 11:55 local time, and there beside the airstrip were Robert and Maurice, each sitting on a moose, grinning broadly.

"OK," said the pilot, "which moose are we going to take back?"

"Why, both of them," said Rober', "we got to take these meese back to show that we are both as good as the other."

"No, no, NO," said the pilot, "I told you that the plane could bring back only ONE moose."

"What's the matter?" asked Maurice, "ain't yo' plane good enough to carry one little ol' extra moose? We got two meese on a plane just like this one last year."

"OK," agrees the pilot, "ain't nobody going to out-fly me around here. If you got two moose on that plane, you can get two moose on my plane."

So, they load up, take off, and the plane, as predicted, can't handle the extra load, and they CRASH.

The two Cajuns wake up in adjacent tree tops, and Rober' asks, "Where ARE we?"

Maurice reponds, "About 100 yards further that we were last year!"


I deserve a first class seat (Added On: 2017-02-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A blonde gets on an airplane and sits down in the first class section of the plane. The stewardess rushes over to her and tells her she must move to coach because she doesn't have a first class ticket. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job, and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica."The disgusted stewardess gets the head stewardess who asks the blonde to leave. The blonde yet again repeats "I'm blonde, I'm smart, I have a good job and I'm staying in first class until we reach Jamaica." The head stewardesses doesn't even know what to do at this point because they still have to get the rest of the passengers seated to take off; the blode is causing a problem with boarding now, so the stewardess gets the copilot.The copilot goes up to the blonde and whispers in her ear. She immediately gets up and goes to her seat in the coach section. The head stewardess asks the copilot in amazement what he said to get her to move to her correct seat. The copilot replies, "I told her the front half of the airplane wasn't going to Jamaica."


There are 29 Aviation jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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