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Lawyer Jokes

There are 99 Lawyer jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Smartest Man (Added On: 2017-10-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A doctor, a lawyer, a little boy and a priest were out for a Sunday afternoon flight on a small private plane. Suddenly, the plane developed engine trouble.In spite of the best efforts of the pilot, the plane started to go down. Finally, the pilot grabbed a parachute, yelled to the passengers that they had better jump, and bailed out.Unfortunately, there were only three parachutes remaining. The doctor grabbed one and said "I'm a doctor, I save lives, so I must live," and jumped out.The lawyer then said, "I'm a lawyer and lawyers are the smartest people in the world. I deserve to live."He also grabbed a parachute and jumped.The priest looked at the little boy and said, "My son, I've lived a long and full life. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. Take the last parachute and live in peace."The little boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said, "Not to worry, Father. The 'smartest man in the world' just took off with my back pack."


three questions (Added On: 2017-10-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates."$50.00 for three questions."replied the lawyer."Isn't that awfully steep?"asked the man."Yes."the lawyer replied, "What was your third question?"


Legal Birth Control (Added On: 2017-10-05 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Theirpersonalities.


Good Lawyer (Added On: 2017-09-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One
afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine
when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass.
Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got
out to investigate.
He asked one man "Why are you eating grass?"
"We don't have any money for food," the
poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."
"Well, then, you can come with me to my house
and I'll feed you" the lawyer said. But sir,
I have a wife and two children with me. They are over
there, under that tree." "Bring them along,"
the lawyer replied. Turning to the other poor man
he stated, "You come with us also."
The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But
sir, I also have a wife and SIX children with me!"
"Bring them all, as well," the lawyer answered.
They all entered the car, which was no easy task,
even for a car as large as the limousine was. Once
underway, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer
and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for
taking all of us with you." The lawyer replied,
"Glad to do it. You'll really love my place -
the grass is almost a foot high!"


All Male Jury (Added On: 2017-09-03 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A lawyer addresses an all male jury: "Gentlemen, shall we cast this beautiful, lonely young lady into a dim cell in a prison, or shall we return her to her oceanside beach condo, Ocean City, telephone Number 555-4531?"


There are 99 Lawyer jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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