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Lawyer Jokes

There are 87 Lawyer jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Expert Advice (Added On: 2017-06-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?""I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.


What do lawyers use as a contraceptive? (Added On: 2017-06-04 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Q: What do lawyers use as a contraceptive?
A: Their personality.


Female Lawyer (Added On: 2017-05-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Q: What is the difference between a female lawyer and a pitbull?


A: Lipstick


4 Surgeons (adult) (Added On: 2017-05-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


4 surgeons were in the doctors lounge talking.

The first one said," I like operating on librarians because when you open them up, their parts are alphebetized." The second one said," I prefer working on Accountants because you open them up, and everything is numbered." The third Surgeon said," I really like operating on mechanics because they understand if you have parts left over."

The Fourth said," I like working on Lawyers." everone else asked why?.

He said, " You open them up, and you find they are spineless, gutless, and their head and ass are interchangable!"


A short dictionary of construction terminology (Added On: 2017-04-27 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Found posted in the Physical Planning Office at the Indiana University of Pennsylvania. Author unknown.


ContractorA gambler who never gets to shuffle, cut or deal.
Bid OpeningA poker game in which the losing hand wins.
BidA wild guess carried out to two decimal places.
Low BidderA contractor who is wondering what he left out.
Engineer's EstimateThe cost of construction in heaven.
Project ManagerThe conductor of an orchestra in which every musician is in a different union.
Critical Path MethodA management technique for losing your shirt under perfect control.
OSHAA protective coating made by half-baking a mixture of fine print, red tape, split hairs and baloney - usually applied at random with a shotgun.
StrikeAn effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.
Delayed PaymentA tourniquet applied at the pockets.
Completion DateThe point at which liquidated damages begin.
Liquidated DamagesA penalty for failing to achieve the impossible.
AuditorPerson who goes in after the war is lost and bayonets the wounded.
LawyerPerson who goes in after the auditors to strip the bodies.


There are 87 Lawyer jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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