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Lawyer Jokes
The Lawyer at the Pearly Gates (Added On: 2010-09-04 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 196 years old!" Dead Lawyer (Added On: 2010-09-03 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was, and greeted him warmly. Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?" St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 193 years old!" Hands (Added On: 2010-08-14 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes ech aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?" In seconds, he chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?" "I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies. "Your hands? What do you mean?" "Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!" Goose & Lawyer (Added On: 2010-07-18 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do? A: Stick his bill up his ass. St. Peter (Added On: 2010-06-09 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke) The lawyer is standing at the gate to Heaven and St. Peter is listing his sins:1) Defending a large corporation in a pollution suit where he knew they were guilty.2) Defending an obviously guilty murderer because the fee was high.3) Overcharging fees to many clients.4) Prosecuting an innocent woman because a scapegoat was needed in a controversial case....And the list goes on for quite awhile.The lawyer objects and begins to argue his case. He admits all these things, but argues, "Wait, I've done some charity in my life also." St. Peter looks in his book and says,"Yes, I see. Once you gave a dime to a panhandler and once you gave an extra nickel to the shoeshine boy, correct?" The lawyer gets a smug look on his face and replies, "Yes." St. Peter turns to the angel next to him and says, "Give this guy 15 cents and tell him to go to hell.
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