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Lawyer Jokes

There are 93 Lawyer jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Two lawyers were walking along (Added On: 2017-08-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Two lawyers were walking along negotiating a case.



''Look,'' said one, ''let's be honest with each other.''



''Okay, you first,'' replied the other.



That was the end of the discussion.


Lawyers v. Nuclear Weapons (Added On: 2017-07-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Q: Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons?

1. If one side has one, the other side has to get one.
2. Once launched, they cannot be recalled.
3. When they land, they screw up everything forever.


My Lawyer (Added On: 2017-07-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A guy phones a law office and says: "I want to speak to my lawyer." The receptionist replies, "I'm sorry but he died last week."



The next day he phones again and asks the same question. The receptionist replies, "I told you yesterday, he died last week."



The next day the guy calls again and asks to speak to his lawyer. By this time the receptionist is getting a little annoyed and says, "I keep telling you that your lawyer died last week. Why do you keep calling?"



The guy says, "Because I just love hearing it."


Lawyer 45, dies - at the gates of heaven (Added On: 2017-07-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gates of Heaven, and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting a long time for you."

"What do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life. Why did I have to die now?"

"45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel.

"Wait a minute. If you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy. I'm only 45. I can show you my birth certificate."

"Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disappeared inside. After a few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you are 82. I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be 82..."


That's a real bargain (Added On: 2017-07-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A Dublin lawyer died in poverty, and many people donated to a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate a shilling. "Only a shilling?" said the Justice, "Only a shilling to bury an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty more of them."


There are 93 Lawyer jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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