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Love and marriage Jokes

There are 94 Love and marriage jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Must Eat Cookies (Added On: 2017-10-04 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A 98 year old man lay on his death bed. According to all of the doctors, he would not live to see another sunrise. All of a sudden, he became aware of the ever increasing scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies coming from the kitchen 2 floors below. He thought, "Before I leave this world, I MUST have just ONE of my wife's wonderful chocolate chip cookies."After all, it was such a batch of cookies made by his wife that first won his heart more than 80 years prior when they were first dating. What better way to depart this life than with the warm and loving taste of his wife's cookies still lingering on his palate?The man bravely and arduously rolled himself in his bed until he was finally able to fall off of the bed onto the floor. He then pulled himself by his elbows, out of the room, into the hallway.He continued to pull himself to the stairwell where he backed himself down the 2 flights of stairs, painfully sliding down one step at a time. The man then pulled himself through the parlor, living room, dining room and finally into the kitchen.Tears swelled in his eyes as he contemplated all of the love that his wife had put into that final batch of cookies. This was a most appropriate final act of love offered to him by the woman who had shared her life with him for more than 80 years.He pulled himself to the counter top where the cooling batch of cookies lay, sending their aroma deep into his nostrils and announcing to the world that his wife's love for him was most certainly as fresh and warm today as on the day she married him.He rested his body weight on his left elbow and with shaking determination, ever so slowly raised his right arm to a point that put his fingers so close to the cookies that he could feel the rising heat caressing his fingertips.His wife turned her head and noticed her husband in his galant struggle to reach for the cookies. She then grabbed his hand and declared, "Oh no you don't, THOSE are for the funeral!"

Wear Your Sweater (Added On: 2017-09-24 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Four married guys go golfing on Sunday. During the 3rd hole the following conversation ensued:First Guy: "Man, you have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."Second Guy: "That's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool."Third Guy: "Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."They continue to play the hole when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they ask him. "You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"Fourth Guy: "That's easy! I just set my alarm for 5:30am. When it goes off, I shut off my alarm, give the wife a poke. 'Golf Course or Intercourse?', I ask. She says, 'Wear your sweater.'"

Love at First Sight (Added On: 2017-09-13 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man who lived in a block of apartments thought it was raining and put his head out the window to check. As he did so a glass eye fell into his hand.

He looked up to see where it came from in time to see a young woman looking down.

'Is this yours?' he asked.

She said, 'Yes, could you bring it up?' The man agreed. On arrival she was profuse in her thanks and offered the man a drink. As she was very attractive he agreed. Shortly afterwards she said, 'I'm about to have dinner. There's plenty; would you like to join me?' He readily accepted her offer and both enjoyed a lovely meal. As the evening was drawing to a close the lady said, 'I've had a marvellous evening. Would you like to stay the night?'

The man hesitated then said, 'Do you act like this with every man you meet?'

'No', she replied, 'only with those who catch my eye.'

This wife is too jealous (Added On: 2017-09-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

There was once a wife so jealous that when her husband came home one night and she couldn't find hairs on his jackets she yelled at him, "Great, so now you're cheating on me with a bald woman!"The next night, when she didn't smell any perfume, she yelled again by saying, "She's not only bald, but she's too cheap to buy any perfume!"

Poetry To Get Sex (Added On: 2017-08-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Two friends, a white guy and a black guy, both work together.The white guy came in late one morning and his black friend asks where he had been. The white guy says, "My wife gives me good sex every night and she kept me up really late last night."The black guy says "I can't get my wife to have sex with me, no matter what! How do you do it?"The white guy says, "I read her poetry every night."His black friend then asks, "What kind of poetry?"The white guy replies, "Blondie, blondie, eyes so blue, how I want to make love to you." Then the white guy tells his friend to go home and try it - it's a sure thing!The next morning the black guy was about 2 hours late. When he comes in, he has a black eye and his arm is in a sling. The white man asks, "What happened?!"The black man says, "Man, don't ever speak to me again!"The curious white man asks, "Well, what did you say to her?"The black man replies, 'Nappy head, nappy head, eyes like a frog, bend over bitch, and take it like a dog!!"

There are 94 Love and marriage jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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