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Work Jokes

There are 14 Work jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Retirement Day (Added On: 2017-09-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


After 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood, the mailman was going to retire. When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope.

At the second house, they presented him with a box of fine cigars.

The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door and up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced!

When he had enough, they went downstairs where she fixed him a giant breakfast; eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.

When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

'All of this was just too wonderful for words', he said; 'But what's the dollar for'?

'Well', she said, 'last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you, and he said; 'Screw him. Give him a dollar'. 'The breakfast was my idea!!'


Florist Mixup (Added On: 2017-08-11 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A florist received an outraged telephone call from a man who had moved his restaurant to a new spot in town. The restaurant owner had been sent a funeral wreath along with a card that read:
SINCEREST SYMPATHIES.

The florist realized that he must have mixed up two orders and shuddered to think of the flowers that should have gone to the restaurant man. He had sent to the funeral a clover design of red roses across which was a bright green ribbon bearing the inscription: =20

BEST OF LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION.


On The Job Wisdom (Added On: 2017-07-22 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


1. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday.

2. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts.

3. Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.

4. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings -- they did it by killing all those who opposed them.

5. A person who smiles in the face of adversity probably has a scapegoat.

6. If at first you don't succeed--try management.

7. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

8. Never quit until you have another job.

9. Hang in there: Retirement is only 30 years away!

10. Go the extra mile--It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.

11. Pride, commitment, teamwork--words we use to get you to work for free.

12. Work: It isn't just for sleeping anymore.

13. There are two kinds of people in life: people who like their jobs, and people who don't work here anymore.


Interpret Your Evaluation Comments (Added On: 2017-04-15 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Comment: AVERAGE
Really Means: Not too bright.

Comment: EXCEPTIONALLY WELL QUALIFIED
Really Means: Has committed no major blunders to date.

Comment: ACTIVE SOCIALLY
Really Means: Drinks heavily.

Comment: QUICK THINKING
Really Means: Offers plausible excuses for errors.

Comment: INDIFFERENT TO INSTRUCTION
Really Means: Knows more than superiors.

Comment: STERN DISCIPLINARIAN
Really Means: A real jerk.

Comment: APPROACHES DIFFICULT PROBLEMS WITH LOGIC
Really Means: Finds someone else to do the job.

Comment: A KEEN ANALYST
Really Means: Thoroughly confused.

Comment: EXPRESSES SELF WELL
Really Means: Can string two sentences together.

Comment: DEMONSTRATES QUALITIES OF LEADERSHIP
Really Means: Has a loud voice.

Comment: JUDGEMENT IS USUALLY SOUND
Really Means: Lucky.

Comment: KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR
Really Means: Knows lots of dirty jokes.

Comment: SLIGHTLY BELOW AVERAGE
Really Means: Stupid.

Comment: ALERT TO COMPANY DEVELOPMENTS
Really Means: An office gossip.

Comment: ENJOYS JOB
Really Means: Needs more to do.

Comment: HAPPY
Really Means: Paid too much.

Comment: CONSULTS WITH SUPERVISOR OFTEN
Really Means: Pain in the ass.

Comment: USES TIME EFFECTIVELY
Really Means: Clock watcher.

Comment: USES RESOURCES WELL
Really Means: Delegates everything.

Comment: DESERVES PROMOTION
Really Means: Create new title to make him or her feel appreciated.


Quick Thinking Boy (Added On: 2017-02-18 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


There was a boy who worked in the produce section of a market. A man came in and asked to buy half a head of lettuce. The boy told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. But the man said that he did not need a whole head, only a half.

The boy explained that he would have to ask the manager. So he walked into the back room and said, "There is some jerk out there who wants to buy only a half a head of lettuce."

As he said it, he turned to find the man standing right behind him. Realizing he had been overheard, the boy quickly added, "and this gentleman wants to buy the other half."

The manager okayed the request, and the man went on his way. Later, the manager said to the boy, "You almost got yourself in a lot of trouble earlier, but I must say I was impressed with the way you got out of it. You think on your feet, and we like that around here. Where are you from son?"

The boy replied, "Minnesota, sir".

"Oh, really? Why did you leave Minnesota," asked the manager.

The boy replied, "They're all just hookers and hockey players up there."

"My wife is from Minnesota!"

The boy replied, "Oh Really! What team did she play for?"


There are 14 Work jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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