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Foul Language Jokes

There are 232 Foul Language jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

How shit happens! (Added On: 2018-02-16 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


In The Beginning was The Plan.

And then came the Assumptions And the Assumptions were without form
And the Plan was completely without substance and the darkness was
upon the face of the workers and they spoke among themselves,
saying... "It is a crock of shit, and it stinketh."
And the workers went unto their Supervisors and
sayeth, "It is a pile of dung and none may abide the odor thereof."

And the Supervisors went unto their Managers and sayeth unto them,
"It is a container of excrement and it is very strong, such that
none may abide by it."

And the Managers went unto their Directors and sayeth, "It is a
vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength."

And the Directors spoke amongst themselves, saying one to another,
"It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong."

And the Directors went unto the Vice Presidents and sayeth unto
them, "It promotes growth and is very powerful."

And the Vice Presidents went unto the President and sayeth unto him,
"This new Plan will actively promote the growth and efficiency of
this Company, and in these areas in particular."

And the President looked upon the Plan, and saw that it was good,
and the Plan became Policy. This Is
How Shit Happens.


Chicken Little (Added On: 2018-02-15 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?"
One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!' "


Car names explained (ethnic, crude, nasty) (Added On: 2018-02-14 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


I got this from another Lab attendant at work, but can't remember who.


BMW
Babbling Mechanical Wench
Beastly Monsterous Wonder
Beautiful Masterpeices on Wheels
Beautiful Mechanical Wonder
Big Money Waste
Big Money Works
Blastphemous Motorized Wreck
Born Moderately Wealthy
Break My Windows
Broken Money Waster
Broken Monsterous Wonder
Brutal Money Waster
Bumbling Mechanical Wretch
Boring Monotonous Wanker

Buick
Big Ugly Import Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer
Big Ugly Indestructable Compact Killer

Chevrolet
Car Has Extensive Valve Rattle On Long Extended Trips

Chevy
Charged Heavily
Cheapest Heap Ever Visioned Yet

Dodge
Dead Or Dying Garbage Emitter
Drips Oil, Drops Grease, Everywhere

Fiat
Fucking Italian Attempt (at) Transportation
Failure in Automotive Technology
Feeble Italian Attempt at Transportation
Fix It Again Tony!

Ford
Fucked over rebuilt Dodge
Fucker Only Runs Downhill
Fucked on Race Day
First On Recall Day
First on race day
Fix Or Repair Daily
Found on road dead
Fraternal Order of Restored DeSoto's

GM
General Maintenance

GMC
Garage Man's Companion
Generally Mediocre Cars
Get More Chicks
Got More Crap

Mopar
Most Often Passed At Races
Mostly Old Parts And Rust
Mostly Old Paint And Rust

Plymouth
Please Let Your Mother Out (from) Under The Hood!
Pussy Lips In Your MOUTH

SAAB
Stupid, Arrogant Asshole Babies
Such an arrogant bastard!
Swedish Automobile - Always Broken

TOYOTA
Too Often Yankees Overprice This Auto


Lawyer quickies 2 (Added On: 2018-02-13 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles. Q: What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
A: Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel. Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy. Q: What do have have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand. Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys! Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope. Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
A2: No. Good! Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water. Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket. Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.


New Rooster (Added On: 2018-02-13 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


An old farmer decided it was time to get a new rooster for his hens. The current rooster was doing his job okay, but he was getting on in years. And the farmer figured it wouldn't hurt anything. So he gets a young cock and and lets it loose in the barn yard. The old rooster sees the young one strutting around and he gets a little worried. So, they are trying to replace me, thinks the old rooster. I've got to do something about this.



He walks up to the new bird and says,"So, your the new guy in town. I bet you think you're really hot stuff don't you? I'm not exactly ready for the chopping block yet. I bet I'm still the better bird and to prove it, I challenge you to a race around the hen house over there. We'll run around it ten times and whoever finishes first gets to have all the hens to himself."



Well, the young rooster was a proud sort, and he definitely thought he was more than a match for the old guy. "You're on," said the young rooster. "And since I know I'm so great, I'll even give you a head start of half a lap. I'll still win easily," said the young cocky rooster.



So, the two roosters go over to the hen house to start the race and all the hens gather around to watch. The race begins and all the hens start cheering the roosters on. After the first lap, the old rooster is still maintaining his lead. After the second lap, the old guys lead has slipped a little but he's still hanging in there.



Unfortunately the old roosters lead continued to slip each time around, and by the fifth lap he just barely led the young rooster. By then the farmer had heard all the commotion. He ran into the house, got his shot gun, and ran out to the barn yard figuring a fox or something was after his chickens. When he got there, he saw the two roosters running around the hen house, with the old rooster still slightly in the lead. He immediately took his shot gun, aimed, fired, and blew the young rooster away.



He walked away slowly, saying to himself.................. "Damn, that's the third gay rooster I've bought this month."


There are 232 Foul Language jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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