Dirty Jokes

There are 334 Dirty jokes in this category.

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Sex with my Teacher! (Added On: 2010-08-31 Rating : 4.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A boy in the sixth grade comes home after school one day. His mother notices that he's got a big smile on his face. She asks, "Did anything special happen at school today?""Yes, Mom. I had sex with my English teacher!" The mother is stunned."You're going to talk about this with your father when he gets home."Well, when dad comes home and hears the news he is pleased as punch. Beaming with pride, he walks over to his son and says, "Son, I hear you had sex with your English teacher.""That's right, Dad.""Well, you became a man today - this is cause for celebration. Let's head out for some ice cream, and then I'll buy that new bike you've been asking for.""That sounds great, Dad, but I can I have a football instead? My ass is killing me."

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Monica's Dry Clean (Added On: 2010-08-28 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

One day monica lewinsky walked into a dry cleaners to get her blue dress cleaned because it had a stain on it. She said to the employee "I want this stain taken out of the dress the employee of the store was of japanese decent and didn't understand her so he said "come again?"to which Monica replied "NO!, its white-out!!!"

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Definitely (Added On: 2010-08-26 Rating : 4.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"First a little girl says, "The sky is definitely blue." The teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be grey, or orange..."Second little boy says..."Trees are definitely green" The teacher replies, "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks: "Does a fart have lumps?"The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!""OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."

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Penis Tax (Added On: 2010-08-21 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

New IRS Tax Policy

GOVERNMENT NOTICE

January 1, 1995
To: All Male Taxpayers
From: IRS
RE: Notice of Increase in Tax Payment Form 1040P

The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 20% of the time it is pissed off, 30% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts.

Accordingly, starting January 1, 1995 your penis will be taxed according to it's size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this information on page 2, section 7, line 3 of your standard 1040 form.

*12-10 inches --Luxury Tax --$50.00
10-8 inches --Pole Tax --$30.00
8-6 inches --Privilege Tax --$15.00
6-4 inches --Nuisance Tax --$5.00

Please Note:
-Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a full refund.
- * Males exceeding 12 inches must file for Capital Gains.

Please do not request an extension

Sincerely,
Pecker Checker
Internal Revenue Services

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Hotel Postcard (Added On: 2010-08-15 Rating : 4.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a shit real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a shit in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves.Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says: "Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where is it?"

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There are 334 Dirty jokes in this category.

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