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Guy Jokes

There are 9 Guy jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The Lucky frog (Added On: 2016-01-09 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man takes the day off work and decides to go out golfing. He is on the second hole when he notices a frog sitting next to the green. He thinks nothing of it and is about to shoot when he hears, "Ribbit.9 Iron"
The man looks around and doesn't see anyone. "Ribbit. 9 Iron." He looks at the frog and decides to prove the frog wrong, puts his other club away, and grabs a 9 iron. Boom! he hits it 10 inches from the cup.
He is shocked. He says to the frog, "Wow that's amazing. You must be a lucky frog, eh?" The frog replies "Ribbit. Lucky frog." The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole. "What do you think frog?" the man asks. "Ribbit. 3 wood." The guy takes out a 3 wood and Boom! Hole in one.
The man is befuddled and doesn't know what to say. By the end of the day, the man golfed the best game of golf in his life and asks the frog, "OK where to next?" The frog reply, "Ribbit. Las Vegas." They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, "OK frog, now what?" The frog says, "Ribbit. Roulette." Upon approaching the roulette table, the man asks,"What do you think I should bet?" The frog replies, "Ribbit.$3000, black 6." Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game, the man figures what the heck. Boom! Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.
The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the hotel. He sits the frog down and says, "Frog, I don't know how to repay you. You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful." The frog replies, "Ribbit, Kiss Me." He figures why not, since after all the frog did for him he deserves it. With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.
"And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room."


Christmas Gift (Added On: 2016-01-07 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive
vehicles."
"She did," he replied. "But where the hell was I going to find a fake Jeep?"


Good Trade (Added On: 2016-01-07 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man is walking down the street with a case of beer under his arm. His friend stops him and asks, "Hey Bob! Whatcha get the case of beer for?"
"I got it for my wife," answers Bob.
"Oh!" exclaimed his friend, "Good trade."


Guy Talk (Added On: 2016-01-04 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

An attempt to interpret what guys are really telling.

"I'm going fishing."
Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
"It's a guy thing."
Really means... "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."
"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means... "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"Uh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"It would take too long to explain."
Really means... "I have no idea how it works.
"We're going to be late."
Really means... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to drive like a maniac."
"I was listening to you. It's just that I have things on my mind."
Really means... "I was wondering if that red-head over there is wearing a bra."
"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means... "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"That's interesting, dear."
Really means... "Are you still talking?"
It's a really good movie."
Really means... "It's got guns, knives, fast cars, and beautiful women."
"That's women's work."
Really means... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."
"We share the housework."
Really means... "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I was just thinking about you, and got you these roses."
Really means... "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means... "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I am hurt."
"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means... "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I can't find it."
Really means... "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"What did I do this time?"
Really means... "What did you catch me doing?"
"I heard you."
Really means... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and I am desperately hoping that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next three days yelling at me."
"You know I could never love anyone else."
Really means... "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be much worse."
"You look terrific."
Really means... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more outfit. I'm starving."
"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means... "No one will ever see us alive again."


There are 9 Guy jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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