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Guy Jokes

There are 9 Guy jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 4

Police tryouts (Added On: 2017-08-09 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

3 guys wanted to be police officers. the first one went in and the chief said " You have to kill your mother".
He says " I cant do that".
So the next guy comes in and the chief says " You have to kill your dad".
He says " I cant do that".
So the next guy comes in and the chief says you have to kill this lady waiting in the waiting room. He says " Well alright." So he goes in there and the chief hears all this racket and he says " What the hell are you doing"?
The guy says," Well you didnt put any bullets in this gun so I had to chase her around with a chair and beat her to death!

The Best Shot (Added On: 2016-01-15 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed... driving his partner nuts.
Finally his exasperated partner says, ''What the heck is taking so long? Hit the ball!''
The guy answers, ''My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot.''
''Give me a break! You don't stand a chance of hitting her from here.''

Young Attractive Woman (Added On: 2016-01-15 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous & sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her.
The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare, and walked directly toward him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20 on one condition."
Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was.
The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words. The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket, and slowly counted out four $5 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand.
He looked deeply into her eyes, and slowly, meaningfully said:
"Paint my house."

A wish (Added On: 2016-01-12 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer when all of a sudden he said aloud, "Lord grant me one wish". The sky clouded and a booming voice said, "Because you have tried to be faithful I will grant you one wish." The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord answered, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time to think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me".
The man thought for a long time and finally said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know what they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I canmake a woman truly happy?"
After a few minutes God said, "How many lanes do you want on that bridge??"

Bear and two Men (Added On: 2016-01-11 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Two men were hunting in the woods, and they came across a bear. The bear starts chasing them and they are running as fast as they can. They looked back and the bear was gaining on them. The two hunters are running neck and neck and one says to the other, "I don't think we are going to be able to outrun this bear". The other hunter says "I am not worried about the bear, I only have to outrun you"

There are 9 Guy jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 4

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