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Office Jokes

There are 16 Office jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

How all careers end (Added On: 2017-05-04 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

How careers end... Lawyers are disbarred. Ministers are defrocked. Electricians are delighted. Far Eastern diplomats are disoriented.

An old occupation (Added On: 2017-04-06 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.- Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings.- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.

Have incredible dogs (Added On: 2017-03-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Four workers were discussing how smart their dogs were. The first was an engineer who said his dog could do math calculations. His dog was named "T-Square", and he told him to get some paper and draw a square, a circle and a triangle, which the dog did with no sweat. The accountant said he thought his dog was better. His dog was named "Slide Rule". He told him to fetch a dozen cookies, bring them back, and divide them into piles of three, which he did with no problem. The chemist said that was good, but he felt his dog was better. His dog "Measure" was told to get a quart of milk and pour seven ounces into a ten ounce glass. The dog did this with no problem. All three men agreed this was very good and that their dogs were equally smart. They all turned to the union member and said, "What can your dog do?". The Teamster called his dog whose name was "Coffee Break" and said, "Show the fellows what you can do". Coffee Break went over and ate the cookies, drank the milk, went to the bathroom on the paper, claimed he injured his back while eating, filed a grievance for unsafe working conditions, applied for Workmen's Compensation and left for home on sick leave.

An old occupation (Added On: 2016-06-04 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

What happens when people of different occupations get old.- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.

Useful work phrases (Added On: 2016-05-01 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

USEFUL PHRASES AT WORK:I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth. It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't care. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. No, my powers can only be used for good. How about never? Is never good for you? I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter. I don't work here. I'm a consultant. Who me? I just wander from room to room. My toys! My toys! I can't do this job without my toys! At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

There are 16 Office jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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