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Animal Jokes

There are 152 Animal jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The Lyin' King (Added On: 2017-10-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)




What's the difference between Simba and O.J. Simpson?

One's an African lion, and the other's a lion African.


Praying Parrots (Added On: 2017-10-17 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but They only say "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some FUN?'"

"That's terrible!", the priest exclaimed, "Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I have taught to pray and read the Bible, then my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage.

The lady puts her female talking parrots in and they say, "Hi, we are Prostitutes! Do you want to have some FUN?"

One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and says, "PUT THE BIBLES AWAY! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!!!"


Anteaters (Added On: 2017-10-16 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Why don't anteaters ever get sick?

Because they're all full of anty bodies


My dog named sex (Added On: 2017-10-14 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.

When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.

He said, "I would like to have one too!"

Then I said, "But she is a dog!"

He said he didn't care what she looked like.

I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old."

He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding.

He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.

I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex."

He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church.

I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.

The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.

When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex.

He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex.

I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night."

The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away.

Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.

I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest.

He said that I should have sold my own tickets.

"You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV."

He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog.

I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married."

The Judge said, "Same here!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning.

I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.

Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely."

And the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."


A duck walked into a feed store... (Added On: 2017-10-09 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A duck walks into a feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?"

The clerk tells him, "No, we don't have a market for it it so we don't carry it."

The duck says, "Okay" and leaves. The next day, the duck walks in to the feed store and asks, "Got any duck feed?"

Again the clerk says no and the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks in, and asks, "Got any duck feed?"

The clerk says, "I've told you twice, we don't have duck feed, we've never had duck feed and we never will have duck feed. If you ask me again, I'll nail your feet to the floor."

The duck leaves.

The next day, the duck walks in and asks, "Got any nails?"

"No," comes the reply.

"Got any duck feed?"


There are 152 Animal jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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