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Animal Jokes

There are 170 Animal jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The Cat And the Milkman (Added On: 2018-02-12 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Tiddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Tiddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could, "I'm afraid Tiddles is dead, Lucy".

"So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?" asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.

At a loss for something to say the father replied, "Tiddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Tiddles up to heaven".

Little Lucy seemed to take her Tiddles death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work Lucy had tears in her eyes and said: "Mommy almost died this morning".

Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted, "How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!"

"Well", mumbled Lucy, "soon after you left for work this morning I saw mommy lying on the floor with her legs in the air and she was shouting, "Oh Jesus!!! I'm coming, I'm coming!!!" and if it hadn't been for the milkman holding her down she would definitely have gone, Daddy".


Whale of a Story. (Added On: 2018-01-24 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.

He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink."

They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore.

The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him.

"Look," she said, "I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"


Weasel chomping (Added On: 2018-01-20 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


At the parade, the Colonel noticed something unusual going on and asked the Major: “Major Barry, what the devil's wrong with Sergeant Jones’ platoon? They seem to be all twitching and jumping about.”
“Well sir,” says Major Barry after a moment of observation. “There seems to be a weasel chomping on his privates.”

(In recognition of columnist Dave Barry's "Weasel Chomping" idea.)


Dictionary (Added On: 2018-01-16 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


a Koala bear was bored and had nothing to do, so he decided to pick up a hooker, after he was done with her, he told her U can leave now, the hooker picked up a dictionary and said the definition of hooker "gets paid for sex". the Koala bear picked up a dictionary and said the definition of Koala bear "eats bush and leaves"


Jesus & the Robber (Added On: 2018-01-01 Rating : 2.00 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One night a robber broke into a home and heard a voice say, ''Jesus is watching you!''while he rumagged through the desk. He replied, ''Who said that?!'' Once again he heard the same thing, ''Jesus is watching you!'' The robber looked around the room only to see a parrot. He asked the parrot what its name was. The parrot replied, ''Cornelius.'' The robber said, ''What kind of a name is that?! Who names a parrot that?!'' The parrot said, ''The same person who named that rottweiler behind you Jesus!''


There are 170 Animal jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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