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Miscellaneous Jokes

There are 16 Miscellaneous jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

The Prune (Added On: 2016-02-28 Rating : 2.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

A prune strolled into a pub and asked the barman for a drink.
The barman replied "I can't serve you, your stoned!"


OOPS! I didn't know. (Added On: 2016-02-06 Rating : 3.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

In some country house way out in some place lived a old lady, a very old lady. She had this problem see, no matter how hard she tried she couldn't keep from passing gas all the time, but they didn't smell or make a sound. One day she could put up with it no more so she went to see a doctor about this problem. She told the whole story to the doctor and also put in that she had actually pooted fifteen times since she was in the office. The doctor said ahh! i see and gave her some pills. He said take one of these every two hours and you'll be fine. Well about a week later the lady came back hopping mad, she told the doctor not only does she still fart but they smell awful too. The doctor said Ahh yes, now that we cleared up your sinuses it is time to work on your hearing.


Squuezing the Lemon (Added On: 2016-01-15 Rating : 2.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

The local restaurant was so sure that its head waiter was the strongest man around that it offered a standing $1000 bet: The waiter would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and then hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze any more juice from the lemon would win the money.
Many people had tried over time...weight-lifters, longshoremen, etc., but nobody could do it. One day a scrawny little man came into the restaurant, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit. He said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet."
Afer the laughter died down, the head waiter agreed to let the fragile man try, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man. The crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the waiter paid the $1000 and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, construction worker, or what?"
The man replied, "I work for the IRS."


Senators (Added On: 2016-01-15 Rating : 2.50 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings. He asked "How can you afford all this on a meagre senator's salary?" The sentaor smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc. "How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees", he asked. The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said -
"No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!


Business Man (Added On: 2016-01-15 Rating : 4.58 / 5.00 Rate This Joke)

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown NY City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral. "Well, then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce", the man said. The loan officer promptly had the car driven into the bank's underground parking for safe keeping, and gave him $5,000.
Two weeks later, the man walked through the bank's doors, and asked to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest", the loan officer said. The man wrote out a check and started to walk away.
"Wait sir", the loan officer said, "while you were gone, I found out you are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?"
The man smiled. "Where else could I park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"


There are 16 Miscellaneous jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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