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Computer Jokes

There are 97 Computer jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

Three rodents with defective visual perception (Added On: 2017-06-25 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


(sung to the tune of Three Blind Mice)

Three rodents with defective visual perception,
three rodents with defective visual perception.

Visualize how they perambulate,
Visualize how they perambulate.

They all perambulated after the agriculturalist's spouse,
she severed their spinal columns with a kitchen utensil.

Have you ever seen such a spectacle in your existence,
as three rodents with defective visual perception?


Caring for floppy disks (Added On: 2017-06-08 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


ORIGAMI
Art of paper folding. In order to obtain a nice and effectiveness result, put the floppy in the disk drive after folding it several times in different directions. With a little luck, you should be able to get it jammed. Now, ask yourself. How can your disk get damaged if you can't even get it out of the drive?SMOKE
Use cigarettes or anything that could be burnt. When you are smoking, blow directly to your disk. In that way, you will be able to destroy it soon, and if you are lucky, damage the drive as well.PIRANHAS
If you don't have any at home, you can use a stapler, a clip, or simply write down on the disk label with a hard point pencil or pen. This wonderful method of "caring" for disks also often gives you a pretty bite-like design on the remaining pieces of the disk.MAGNETS
They are wonderful. You can find them in the telephone, in some paper weights, and stuck on the frige door. If you can't find any, you can leave the floppies on the printer or on your display for a while, making sure that they are on.MAIL
Put a disk in an envelope and don't write any warning on it; then mail it to someone, and that's all.MAGIC TOUCH
Touch your floppy. As much as you can. If you have marmelade or butter in your fingers, better. Your floppy will acknowledge it.DON'T USE ANY ENVELOPE
Archive them wihtout their envelope, piled under a lot of papers and manuals.DON'T MAKE BACKUPS
Of course, if you don't have any security copy, you won't have to worry about how to destroy them once you have lost the original.SUPREME STUPIDITY
It is the best way of destroying floppies. If you practice it regularly, you'll find new methods to add to this list.


Too Much Computer Time (Added On: 2017-05-10 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


How to tell when you are spending too much time with your computer:

You start introducing yourself as "lord at pacbell dot net"

Your wife drapes a wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like

You check your mail. It says "no new messages". So you check it again

Your phone bill is delivered in a box

You name your children Eudora, Mozilla, and Dotcom

All of your friends have an @ in their names

You tell the cab driver you live at http://
123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html

You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" and you don't have a job.

You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape
3.01"

You never have to deal with the busy signals because you never log off

You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet

You start tilting your head sideways whenever you smile :)

Your spouse says communication is important in a marriage, so you buy another computer and install another phone line so that the two of you can chat

As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button

Your computer goes down, you haven't logged in for two hours. You start to tremble. You pick up the phone and dial your Internet access number. You try to mimic computer noise in order to connect.


Mac and Light bulbs (Added On: 2017-04-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


How many Macintosh users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Mac users don't screw, they just click the genital icon.


Redneck computer term (Added On: 2017-04-20 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.


There are 97 Computer jokes in this category. Prev 5 | Next 5

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