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A + JOKES

Welcome to A + Jokes - Your online resource for funny and hilarious jokes. See the 5 latest jokes added here. Browse the menu on the left for category based jokes. Check out the comic strip section where you can find many cartoons updated on a daily basis and weekly basis.

Beethoven and some music fanatics (Added On: 2016-08-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


I heard this a long time ago...

There were once some music fanatics who were fascinated with the works of Ludwig von Beethoven. They listened to, and played everything that he had ever written. Finally, after years of saving, they went to Europe to see where this legend had been buried.

When they got to the cemetary, they found the tomb where his body had been laid. However, one of the fanatics saw that the door was left slightly ajar. They turned to each other, wondering if they should look in, or shut the door. They decided to look in, just out of curiosity.

Upon looking in the tomb, they saw a very strange sight. Beethoven was sitting at a desk, frantically erasing copies of everything he had ever written! "Beethoven, sir!," one of them exclaimed, "What are you doing?!"

Beethoven turned calmly to the group, and answered them. "I'm decomposing..."


Two Mexicans and a border patrol agent (Added On: 2016-08-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A Border Patrol agent is on duty. He spots two Mexicans and runs them down. They show him their papers (he thinks they are phony).

He tells them, "O.K. I have a test for you. I want you to use the words 'cheese' and 'liver' in a sentence."

So, the first guy says, "I made a liver and cheese sandwich for lunch."

The agent says, "That was good, you can go. What about you?" he asks the second guy.

He says, "Liver alone. Cheese mine."


The Carollers (pun) (Added On: 2016-08-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


Three young men, filled with Christmas cheer decided to serenade a number of their female acquaintances with songs of the season.

At Betty's house they sang the mistress's anthem, "God Rest Ye Married, Gentlemen" - and Betty welcomed the gesture warmly with a round of egg nog.

Encouraged, the trio moved on to Alice's house, where they crooned the lament of the cherubs under stress, "Hark, The Harried Angels Sing!" Alice rewarded the smigers with glasses of steaming punch.

Buoyed by the spirits of the moment, the troubadours stopped next at Ina's house. Unfortunately, no one was home. Keen to have her hear them, yet feeling somewhat fatigued by their musical efforts, the leader suggested that they return the next day. "After all" he observed "we can always carol Ina in the morning.


Microsoft related quote du jour (Added On: 2016-08-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A world that has no walls needs neither windows nor gates. (Anonymous linux programmer)


Curious questions and comments about contemporary life (Added On: 2016-08-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


My friend asked me what a paradigm is and I said, "It's a model." He said, "That means Kathy ireland is my favorite paradigm."

Reading the Living section of the newspaper, I have discovered there is a new definition for the word "urban." It now means black.

My high school was so tough that everyone thought an outline was what you draw around a dead body.

Any woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. Once cooking and the other cleaning.

The Atlanta zoo should name their Pandas Bill and Monica. That might encourage them to breed.

Lost Dog: Notch in left ear, left rear leg missing, tail bobbed, blind in right eye. Has been castrated. Answers to the name of "Lucky."

Preachers are not "put out to pasture." They have a retirement plan that is out of this world.

Oh yea, now the Boulder police think the teddy bear did it.

There's a new cat food commercial that says if you have a cat, you live longer. I'm here to tell you, it just seems longer.

Someone please remind me to never again wear a wrap skirt on a windy day.

To those women too beautiful to get a date: I'm forming a support group at my place.

My boss is an idiot.

My friend was driving to the aiport and saw the sign, "Airport Left." He turned around and went home.

The Republicans, drunk with power for several years, have started to sober up and are now wondering if the voters will respect them in the morning.

To the "most beautiful" woman: Men won't ask me out because I'm fat and ugly. But at least I'm not obnoxious.

Middle age: When work is a lot less fun, and fun a lot more work.


Sermon Sleep (Added On: 2016-08-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


One day Mrs. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at the local
church. "Reverend," she said, "I have a problem, my husband keeps
falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What
should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I
will be able to tell when Mr. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to
you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the
leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mr. Jones dozed off. Noticing this,
the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate
sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mrs. Jones.

"Jesus!" Jones cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin.

"Yes, you are right, Mr. Jones," said the minister.

Soon, Mr. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is
your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mrs.
Jones.

"God!" Mr. Jones cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin.

"Right again," said the minister, smiling.

Before long, Mr. Jones again winked off. However, this time the
minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he
made a few motions that Mrs. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet her
husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve
say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones poked her husband, who yelled, "You stick that goddamned
thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up
your ass!"

"Amen," replied the congregation.


Lunch for the Lama (Added On: 2016-08-29 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)


A buddhist monk walks up to a hot dog vendor and says, “Make me one with everything.”


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