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Abstinence (Added On: 2016-10-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle-aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The Pastor said, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks."
The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The Pastor went to the elderly couple and asked, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replied, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the Pastor.
The Pastor went to the middle-aged couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes, we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the Pastor.
The Pastor went to the newlywed couple and asked, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?" "No Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied sadly. "What Happened?" inquired the Pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was overcome with lust and took advantage of her right there." "You understand, of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the Pastor. "We know," said the young man, "We're not welcome at the SuperSaver anymore either."
Think of the team from a few years ago (Added On: 2016-10-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Heard on CBC Radio "Prime Time":
Why won't the NHL let Hamilton have a hockey franchise?
Because then Toronto would want one too.
Those Helpful Troopers (Added On: 2016-10-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
This story was told to me by a family friend who is an Illinois State
Trooper. One day he was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When
he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone
at a chicken place getting into his car. He placed the bucket of chicken
on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still atop his car.
So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service
by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car,
pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks
at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some."
Dave Vollman - AT&T Bell Laboratories - Naperville, IL
Cat On A Hot Tin Roof (Added On: 2016-10-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
A man left his cat with his brother while he went on vacation for a week. When he came back, the man called his brother to see when he could pick the cat up. The brother hesitated, then said, ''I'm so sorry, but while you were away, the cat died."
The man was very upset and yelled, ''You know, you could have broken the news to me better than that. When I called today, you could have said he was on the roof and wouldn't come down. Then when I called the next day, you could have said that he had fallen off and the vet was working on patching him up. Then when I called the third day, you could have said he had passed away.''
The brother thought about it and apologized.
"So how's Mom?" asked the man.
"She's on the roof and won't come down."
Relaxing (Added On: 2016-10-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in America. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy Came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered " No No Me Banta Singh" Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing " Our Sardar slapped him on his face and said, "Salay, Sab tere Ko wahah doond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai
PIN no (Added On: 2016-10-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
BEPPO SINGH QUEUING BEHIND HIS FRIEND AT AN ATM MACHINE. Friend: What are you looking at? Beppo Singh: I know your PIN no., hee, hee. Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it? Beppo Singh: four asterisks!
Smitty the Parrot's Birthday (Added On: 2016-10-28 Rating : N/R / 5.00 Rate This Joke)
Harry says to his pet parrot Smitty, "What do you want for your birthday?" Smitty says, "I want to get laid."
So Harry takes Smitty to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks, and Smitty goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore.
After a few minutes, Harry hears really loud screeching and squawking, so he runs upstairs and into the room.
There's Smitty, holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful feathers.
"Harry, says Smitty, what the hell are you doing?"
Smitty says, "For a hundred bucks I want her nude!"
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